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a new day

Soooooo. My period finally started on Thursday afternoon.  What a relief.  I think I’m going to stay away from that progesterone cream. 

In a moment of clarity(an epiphany if you will) I realized that TTC is messing with my peace of mind.  Badly.  Really bad.  My sanity is at stake here.

I talked to C-Dub about it.  My feeling on Friday was that we just needed to stop.  All together.  I had even called my OB/GYn and had gotten a prescription for birth control pills.    But C-Dub surprised me and was adamant that I didn’t go that far.  So we compromised.  No “active” TTC.  I think for my mental health, and for the health of my marriage, I need to take a step back.  I don’t know for how long, just for now.  I know I won’t be taking my temps every morning( I think that was really stressing me.and causing me to loose sleep.)  I might pick up a OPK.  Maybe.  Probably not.

I think the problem was that I had been so focused all of last year on making a baby.  Then I was focused for 10 weeks on being pregnant.  Then I was focused on waiting for my period  so I could start again.  Then I was focused on ovulation, etc etc etc. I don’t think I ever really took the time to mentally recover from the miscarriage.  I just rushed fully ahead, thinking I was ready to start again. That the best way to move on was to get pregnant right away.

That wasn’t true.  I didn’t get pregnant right away.  And I stressed myself the hell out. And my hubby.  

And I realized that I am missing out on everything!  We didn’t go out anymore unless C-Dub forced me to.  I went to work, came back and promptly laid down on the couch.  Then repeat.  On the weekends, if I wasn’t working, just laid around again, addicted to my chart on the Internet( did I ovulate,is my chart triphasic now, how long is my luteal phase?)  Searching for miracle pills and vitamins on the Internet.  Obsessing.  Missing life. 

 C-Dub and I went to a party last night for one of my friends.  It was so nice to get out and socialize, drink, dance, and have fun.  And to not think about TTC! We went to the museum to see the King Tutu exhibit.  We actually went out to dinner.  And didn’t talk about anything remotely related to TTC.  Or having a baby. 

So, I don’t know how long this will last.  I am just going to try.  We’ll see.

  • Reply
    Jo
    February 22, 2009 at 2:45 pm

    Oh, have I been there! It’s okay to take a break. Really. I don’t think my marriage would have survived if we hadn’t taken a few – and I know my sanity wouldn’t have.

    *Hugs*

  • Reply
    Soralis
    February 22, 2009 at 11:57 pm

    Good luck with your break… TTC can be so all consuming.

    Hugs
    ICLW

  • Reply
    D
    February 23, 2009 at 7:39 am

    I so know what you are feeling! some times a break is just what we need. hoping yours gives you a little peace 🙂
    *ICLW*

  • Reply
    TheMrs
    February 23, 2009 at 9:44 am

    YEA for you looking out for YOU!!

    Enjoy your break and enjoy your time with C-Dub.
    *Big Hug My Friend*

  • Reply
    Ericka
    February 23, 2009 at 12:16 pm

    Hey there, I can totally relate. I was TTC for a year and had 2 miscarriages before this pregnancy.

    It was in my “moment of clarity” that I actually got pregnant and am now 23 weeks along (hanging onto it with every ounce of my being!)

    I wish you the best.

    -ICLW

  • Reply
    Mrs. Gamgee
    February 23, 2009 at 1:10 pm

    Hang in there… and take the time to enjoy your break. TTC can be all consuming. Take care of you!

    ICLW

  • Reply
    Cara
    February 23, 2009 at 1:41 pm

    That cycle sneaks up on you, doesn’t it? One focus becoming another focus until you forgot where you started an time has evaporated. *sigh* a break sounds just about right

    ICLW

  • Reply
    Bunny
    February 24, 2009 at 8:33 pm

    You are so right– this baby making stuff can be so consuming! A break sounds like a great idea… enjoy…relax… breathe…repeat.

    ICLW

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