Instagram

Follow Me!

My Life

Mourning Before Death

flower macro photgography-17
 

Can you mourn someone before they are dead?

Because yesterday, I realized that we are mourning my father.

My mother and I had a long talk and I realized that she finally understands what I , the doctors, nurses, and therapists have been trying to tell her for the last 3 months or so.

He is not going to get better.

She allowed the nursing service that comes out a few times a week to be changed to Hospice care.

She signed a DNR( do not resuscitate).

She realized that if it weren’t for the feeding tube that feeds him thorugh his stomach, he would not be here.

I sat with my Daddy yesterday and talked about simple things. Life, work, Pookah. I told a few jokes. Got a ghost of a smile.

And held his hand while I talked.

Do you know I can’t ever remember holding my Daddy’s hand? He was a hugger. Big great bear hugs.

When it was time to say goodbye, I leaned in and laid my head on his chest and said goodbye. And kissed him on his cheeks over and over.

I cried when I left his room because for some reason, it felt like I was saying goodbye.

I saw clearly in his sad tired eyes that he is ready to go.

The medical/nursing side of me understands that. I can talk about him clinically coldly and with no feeling when I need to. When I need to make my mother understand.

But in that room, with my head on his chest, I was just Daddys girl.

Mourning the loss before it has even happened.

 

 

  • Reply
    Jenni
    November 2, 2014 at 7:29 am

    When I saw this post and link on my timeline, my heart sank. You’re in my thoughts and prayers, friend. (Hugs)

  • Reply
    PreshusMe
    November 2, 2014 at 7:33 am

    Oh no! I’m so sorry to hear this news! Sending all my thoughts and hugs your way.

  • Reply
    Cassandre
    November 2, 2014 at 7:41 am

    I am so sorry to hear about your Daddy. Praying hard for you and your family during this difficult time.

  • Reply
    Shar
    November 2, 2014 at 10:27 am

    Huge knot in my stomach… (((HUGS))) Praying for you and your family. He will forever be your daddy and you always his little girl. Hold on Shawnie xoxo

  • Reply
    LeSha Brewer
    November 2, 2014 at 11:01 am

    I’m so sorry to read that you and your family are going through this. Peaceful surroundings with family and friends will comfort him dearly.

  • Reply
    Jennifer
    November 2, 2014 at 12:16 pm

    I’m so sorry.

  • Reply
    Candace
    November 2, 2014 at 1:45 pm

    All I want to do is hug you! I’m so sorry you have to face this, praying for you and your mom through this.

  • Reply
    kita
    November 2, 2014 at 1:52 pm

    *sigh* I have went through losing a parent and when it’s time for hopsice I know life will never be the same. The peace that I found was that there would be no more pain and that is a peace that I carry with me today. My prayers are with you.

  • Reply
    NON-Superwoman
    November 2, 2014 at 7:31 pm

    I know this feeling well….I lost my father five years ago. Prayers and hugs!

  • Reply
    Krissy
    November 3, 2014 at 11:19 am

    This sucks but I know it’s life. Sending you hugs and love.

  • Reply
    Camesha | Mama Motivator
    November 3, 2014 at 3:29 pm

    I have goosebumps as I type this. I think about your dad often. I always want to ask about him but I stop myself because I feel like I would be all in your business. Crazy, since we’re bloggers and we kinda put it out there anyway. My heart breaks for real. Just the word “hospice” makes it far too real. I’ll be praying, my friend. Huge hugs to you.

  • Reply
    Kendra
    November 6, 2014 at 10:54 pm

    I’m sorry to hear this but I definitely understand it. You’ll be in thoughts and prayers.

Leave a Reply

CommentLuv badge