I am so glad I am not going to be working in L&D for a while.
My patient last night was 18 weeks. Due two days before I was. Her water broke. After a sono discovered the baby was deceased, she and the doctor decided to induce labor.
She kept asking why? Was it something she had done? Or hadn’t done? It was the first time that I had ever REALLY felt empathy with a patient. Of course, I tried to reassure her all night. But she was devastated. And alone.
I delivered her baby at 635 this morning. No doctor: just me and her. It was so sad. No one was with her. Her family had gone home, her “baby daddy” had left earlier in the night after pulling me aside and asking if we do paternity tests on dead babies. (WTF by the way). He then left with his new girlfriend. And she was all alone. And it was so sad. I kept trying to get her to call someone, but she wouldn’t.
I am glad that I knew to refrain from making the “it was God’s will, “”you can try again” “and the “something myst have been wrong with the baby” comments. I am glad that I knew that it wouldn’t help.
I kept seeing me in her bewildered eyes, trying to be strong. Trying to reason out why this was happening to her. And it took everything in me not to break down and cry with her in that room when I delivered and held that tiny little life gone too soon.
I am glad I am taking a break.