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Random Tuesday: A Saturday Evening at Work…

So, you guys know I work in Labor and Delivery right?  Well, sometimes, I can’t make this mess up, and I have to share

  1. I worked triage all weekend at work, and it’s like watching Jerry Springer on crack.
  2. 815 pm: Patient #1 comes screaming through the door in pain.  Turns out, she ate a steak, two double whoppers, a large onion ring, a large Coke, a few cookies, some milk and a slice of her granny’s pound cake all within the last 3 hours…….she just needed some Maalox.
  3. 930 pm: Patient #2 comes strolling though the door talking on the phone talking about she’s in labor.  Calm. Easy Peasy.  5 minutes later, Baby Daddy comes through the door.  All hell breaks loose.  Now she’s rolling on the stretcher, breathing hard, crying moaning, talking about it huuuuuurrrrts. Naw baby, you’re cervix is closed.  Go home.  Get his attention doing something else.
  4. 1015pm: Patient #3 is a frequent flyer.  Not in labor, just got some “discharge”. I can’t wait to see this one in labor. Her transvestite baby daddy always has me rolling on the floor laughing. He’s a cross between RuPaul and Wendy Williams…..yeeessss……
  5. 1130pm:Patient #4 another with discharge. Verdict: you  have Trichomoniasis.  Her: What’s that? Me: a sexually transmitted disease.  Her: Oh…….. 5 minutes later I have to call security because she has jumped out of bed and is attacking the baby daddy with the IV pole at 6 months pregnant.  A part of me wanted to stand back and let it happen, but……must be professional.
  6. 0145am: Patient #5 is a rule out labor.  Well, there’s a head coming out as she is trying to stand up….I guess she gets to stay.
  7. 0230: Patient # 6 is an ER Drop in, no prenatal care at 32 weeks in labor.  We do all the normal labs plus a drug screen.  Yeah, um, cocaine and marijuana do not mix with pregnancy.  Might be what sent you into labor.
  8. By this time it’s around 4 am, and I am just sitting down to pee and eat.
  9. But low and behold at 615 am, here comes another one, screaming down the house.  “the baby is coming!!!!!” I check her and then shake my head. No baby, just a lot of poop that you need to give birth too.
  10. It’s 723, time for me to clock out.  I’m tired, but of course, Little Pookah will be waiting for me to feed him when I get home.  Sigh.  That’s My Life……

  • Reply
    YUMMommy
    September 13, 2011 at 12:00 pm

    Oh wow. Who knew there could be so much drama in labor and delivery. I hope and pray that baby from patient #6 will be ok. I don’t understand drug users who get pregnant. You know aren’t going to stay clean long enough for your baby to be born healthy. I also feel for the girl who got the STD.

    That’s a trifling way to find out that your man may have cheated on you.
    YUMMommy recently posted..Motherhood & Fashion: Not Mutually ExclusiveMy Profile

  • Reply
    Mimi
    September 13, 2011 at 1:38 pm

    Lawd at Trich victim. Please do posts like these more often. Highly entertaining!
    Mimi recently posted..Life is Hard, Laugh Anyway…I’m Featured!!!My Profile

  • Reply
    Gigi
    September 13, 2011 at 1:54 pm

    OMG patients 5 and 9 are my favorites, good comedy drama for one night.
    Gigi recently posted..Hello world!My Profile

  • Reply
    krissy
    September 13, 2011 at 1:56 pm

    L&D sounds like a hoot! These stories crack me up everytime!
    krissy recently posted..Day 13 – a song that is a guilty pleasureMy Profile

  • Reply
    Gigi
    September 13, 2011 at 1:56 pm

    see above for comment.
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  • Reply
    Stacy Richards
    September 13, 2011 at 5:12 pm

    WOW!!! You should write more than a blog – I think you have a BOOK on your hands!!! I can’t imagine what the rest of your week is like. You go girl!!!

    http://www.rosefromrosedale.com
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  • Reply
    Nina
    September 13, 2011 at 5:53 pm

    I remember those nights! Yeah, I plan to write my memoirs when I retire. I probably should keep a file somewhere of all the stories. How ’bout you and me get together in a few years and we’ll make a bestseller! Being a nurse is never boring!
    Nina recently posted..And the countdown begins…My Profile

  • Reply
    kita
    September 13, 2011 at 6:11 pm

    Omg number 5 I have never heard of that one. I would have helped her beat his behind then called security like nothing happened. The rest are so funny you need to do this on a regular good laughs
    kita recently posted..Talk Tuesday: Are you too busy?My Profile

  • Reply
    TheProDiva
    September 13, 2011 at 11:19 pm

    Once again, HILARIOUS! Who in the hell left the gate open and let these folks in the hospital! I beg you to continue to post this foolishness for our reading pleasure!
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  • Reply
    Clu
    October 3, 2011 at 5:37 pm

    HILARIOUS! 🙂 My Mom worked in L&D…I wish she had shared her stories
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