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Still waiting…..

Well, 10 weeks 4 days.  Last time, at 10 weeks 6 days, I started spotting.  I am praying and hoping and wishing this doesn’t happen again.  I can’t really take it.  But I am driving myself a little crazy.  I mean, even if i make it past then, who is to say that …..

I keep trying to stop my thoughts from going in that direction, but it’s hard.  I’ve been letting more people in on our little secret, and it almost scares me every time I do.  In the back of my mind, a little voice says:

“that’s one more person you will have to tell……”

I am trying to think only of the positive here.  I know that thoughts are things.  But I thought soooo positive last time, and look what happened.  I am trying to take peace in the fact that I have seen the heartbeat “officially” twice now, and that everything is fine.  The baby is growing fine.  Last time, the baby always measured small for dates.    I take comfort in the constant morning sickness, the fatigue, my breasts, the strange strange dreams, my appetite.

I am seriously thinking about renting a dopplar.  Just for my piece of mind.  

I just want piece of mind.

Really, I just want it to be November and I want to be holding my baby in my arms.

  • Reply
    brown-eyed-girl
    May 5, 2009 at 7:46 pm

    You’ll get there. Try not to worry too much. Hard advice to follow, I know. Stay strong. You’re pregnant today!

  • Reply
    Cara
    May 5, 2009 at 8:33 pm

    Rent the doppler…you will love having it at your fingertips!

  • Reply
    Annie
    May 5, 2009 at 9:28 pm

    I definitely recommend the doppler! I actually wound up buying one off ebay for cheaper than it would have been to rent it my entire pregnancy. It has definitely helped me through quite a few freak-out episodes with this pregnancy.

    Thinking of you and your baby!

  • Reply
    SS
    May 6, 2009 at 9:02 am

    The first trimester is much more stressful, especially with your loss. I am sorry that you are so anxious! I think by the second trimester you will be feeling much mroe relaxed and will start to enjoy being pregnant. Hoping the next few days fly by to get past the 10w6d mark.

  • Reply
    TheMrs
    May 6, 2009 at 9:41 am

    I’m praying for you Mama! Do whatever it takes to put yourself at ease. And I agree with Brown Eyed Girl – You are SO PREGNANT today! 🙂

  • Reply
    becomingwhole
    May 6, 2009 at 5:34 pm

    I think that all of your worries are probably pretty normal, having been through a loss already. Just do what you have to do to get through it. And you ARE pregnant today.

  • Reply
    MAK-now
    May 7, 2009 at 2:01 pm

    Hi there,

    I just came across your blog and read a little bit of your story. I just wanted to reach out and echo what the others have been saying – You are pregnant today and what you’re going through is completely normal. Keep your head up & your hopes high. We’re all pulling for you.

  • Reply
    Kischa
    May 8, 2009 at 10:46 am

    Hang in there, I think you’ll be ok. My friend just delivered a beautiful baby girl last month after having a miscarriage with her previous pregnancy. She also experienced heavy bleeding in her first trimester and everything turned out to be just fine.

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