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Tales of a Labor and Delivery Nurse

Tales of a Labor and Delivery Nurse

 

A Labor and Delivery nurse thinks she is on candid camera when….

  • You hear your patient coming down the hall before you see her, cussing, screaming, pushing herself in  the wheelchair, talking about: “I’m in labor dammit! Put me in a room! I’m gone leave, how do I get out of here to go to another hospital ….”
  • When you say OK, and attempt to push her back to the waiting room so she can catch her ride, she suddenly changes her mind….
  • You attempt to admit her, but asking her questions and starting her IV have to wait until she finishes embellishing her ordeal and cussing out her baby daddy…..
  • You get her admitted( finally) and you get her induction started. You feel OK. This will be over quickly….
  • Her mother arrives: all you see is the pink hair with braided antenna like circles on her head, blue eye shadow and a black and gold grill……wait, is that TWO tongue rings??
  • You can’t concentrate because the pink antennas are bobbing and weaving, the grill is flashing, and she is talking to you about hair dying techniques that include using red Kool Aid…..
  • Your patient’s 3 year old son arrives, just as your patient is loosing her mind, screaming, out of control….
  • Baby is born: Mama has stopped screaming and is back in control. Unfortunately, you now how a screaming, traumatized, out of control 3 year old who saw a baby come out of his screaming mother’s coochie live and in color.
  • Juice and crackers don’t work to calm him down.
  • Postpartum doesn’t have rooms.  You slowly bang your head on the wall at the thought of keeping these folks until change of shift.
  • Your patient and her pink haired Mama decided to take a wheelchair ride to the giftshop ( code word: we need to smoke). You don’t care at this point, take yo ass on then…..
  • End of shift. You try to prepare the next nurse, but there are really no words…
  • You rush home, rush your own child to sleep and curl up in fetal position rocking, with a bottle of red wine…..

Stay tuned for next time for tales from a Labor and Delivery nurse……

  • Reply
    Kita
    September 18, 2012 at 6:26 am

    A 3 year old don’t need to see all that hell I don’t even wanna see all that. The hubs offered to tape me I said hell no I will just imagine it’s like the TLC’s shows a nice pretty birth.
    Kita recently posted..Talk TuesdayMy Profile

  • Reply
    atyourcervix78
    September 18, 2012 at 6:40 am

    OMG. Love that. It’s better when the husband and the baby daddy are both there, IMO. 😀

    • Reply
      LaShawn
      September 18, 2012 at 7:01 am

      Had that last week! It was…interesting…..

  • Reply
    Nellie
    September 18, 2012 at 8:02 am

    OMG that poor 3 year old. traumatized for life! smhhh
    Nellie recently posted..Party Of One Please!My Profile

  • Reply
    DeevahfromSC
    September 18, 2012 at 9:28 am

    I have been waiting on one of these!!! Hilarious! You make me want to change careers. 🙂

  • Reply
    Whitney
    September 18, 2012 at 9:37 am

    I don’t want to see that, let alone a poor child. Pink hair, huh?? Kool Aid, they did that when I was in cosmetology school years ago. What a ratchet mess…
    Whitney recently posted..Are You Broken?My Profile

  • Reply
    Krissy
    September 18, 2012 at 9:47 am

    Aww that poor baby. Your L&D is so ratchet!lol

  • Reply
    Preshus Me
    September 18, 2012 at 10:10 am

    Bwaaahahahahhah! KoolAid and the black and gold grill’d grammaaaAHAHAHAHAA!! *wipes tear – can’t stop laughing*
    Preshus Me recently posted..My Day In Pictures – Saturday September 9, 2012My Profile

  • Reply
    Nicole P.
    September 18, 2012 at 10:12 am

    Ha! I love it when people write what nursing is really like.
    Nicole P. recently posted..One year agoMy Profile

  • Reply
    karen
    September 18, 2012 at 10:40 am

    oh dear. that poor little guy…hope you drank that whole bottle of wine.
    karen recently posted..Success and FailuresMy Profile

  • Reply
    Shanna
    September 18, 2012 at 11:11 am

    I LOVED THIS. You said Kool Aid. I can’t. I just can’t.
    Thank you for the laugh, so needed it today.
    Shanna recently posted..We fell in love…My Profile

  • Reply
    KalleyC
    September 18, 2012 at 11:51 am

    Hahaha, omg, you can’t make that stuff up at all. Only a person who lives it knows. Gurl, a 3yo does not need to see any of that. I plan on having my daughter near, but in the same room when I give birth. I can see how that can traumatize a child. But on the other hand, they won’t be having sex in their teens if they know what happens when they get knocked up…now that got me thinking…
    KalleyC recently posted..Riding Out The BugMy Profile

    • Reply
      KalleyC
      September 18, 2012 at 7:56 pm

      Ugh, I meant to say that I plan on having her near, but *not* in the same room when I deliver.
      KalleyC recently posted..Riding Out The BugMy Profile

  • Reply
    susan
    September 18, 2012 at 1:10 pm

    I kept reading to see if you were kidding. OMW! You weren’t. Granma had a grill? And koolaid hair? Classic.
    susan recently posted..My Kids Make Me Laugh – Ninja for GodMy Profile

  • Reply
    Quiana
    September 18, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    Wow this is intense! You need to write a book about all the stuff you experience.
    Quiana recently posted..My Big (Brave) Girl Has a New StyleMy Profile

  • Reply
    Jenifer
    September 18, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    Oh my goodness!! What a day!

  • Reply
    Jessica
    September 18, 2012 at 8:19 pm

    lol. Oh, wow! I’m sure you could make a sitcom from all of what you’ve seen! That’s crazy!

  • Reply
    iiona
    September 19, 2012 at 12:49 am

    LOL! Hysterical

  • Reply
    Diva (in Demand)
    September 19, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    When you said “take yo ass on then” I almost fell out this chair laughing. LOL
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  • Reply
    BossyGirl
    September 19, 2012 at 10:02 pm

    bAHAHAHAHAH…This is hilarious!!!
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  • Reply
    Sandra Kohlmann
    September 22, 2012 at 9:32 am

    Good grief! I don’t know how you do it. I’ve always appreciated nurses, but when I was admitted to deliver, my love for them skyrocketed. I had great nurses, but the gal who was my nurse through most of my labor and through my delivery was beyond phenomenal. She was a coach, a cheerleader, a great help in dealing with my family, and so much more. My daughters are almost 2 1/2 and I still remember her name (Pati with 1 t, not to be confused with my second fave nurse, Patti with 2 t’s), and her face as clear as day. I could not be more grateful for the amazing women and men who work as nurses. Of course, I’d like to think I wasn’t near as obnoxious as this gem of a patient!
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