Thank you for your prayers.
But it seems that this pregnancy was not meant to be. The bleeding continued today, I went to the Dr, they did a ultrasound, and there was no heartbeat.
Now, we wait. I’ll see what happens this weekend( if I naturally miscarry), and on Monday, I’ll call and maybe go ahead and schedule a D&C if nothing has happened. If I don’t, I have to go in weekly for them to make sure I am ok. Another option was cytotec. It’s a drug they use in pregnancy usually to induce. So, it would do the same for inducing a miscarriage.
I have some occasional cramps, and have cried myself out. C-Dub has too. We’re supposed to have thanksgiving dinner tommorrow with my sister in law. I really don’t want to, but C-dub wants to try to be as normal as possible. Normal? Normal. How do you act normal when it seems that your world has ended?
I feel as though all my life, nothing has come easy. Just this once, i wanted, I hoped, I expected just this one thing to be easy. After all, it took a whole year to get pregnant. I felt like I had paid my dues. I guess not. I’m having a war with myself right now. On the one hand, I understand. My mind comprehends that this happens. But my heart. My heart is breaking. And I don’t know how to put it back together.
C-Dub is trying in his own way I guess. He is supportive, he is devastated too, and doesn’t know how to help me. Hell, I don’t know how to help me.
And do you know the worst? I have to go to work on Saturday and happily do my job. Maybe I’ll feel better about it then than I do now. I don’t know.
Anyway, that’s all for now. I haven’t told anyone. I don’t want to ruin anyone’s Thanksgiving.
I might not check in for a while. I think I just need some time.
Again, thanks for the prayers and thoughts.
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