What to write? I’ve been trying to write a post for several days now, and nothing seems to come out. I am still waiting. I was hoping (due to the fact that I no longer have insurance) that I would go ahead and miscarry naturally. But other than some on and off spotting, nothing is happening. So tomorrow, I will call the office and schedule the D&C I suppose. The trick is trying to do it and not miss any work. Impossible though.
Horrors or horrors, I got an invitation for a baby shower yesterday. For this Saturday coming up. It’s for a friend of mine who had her own miscarriage at 16 weeks and then went on to become pregnant again. She’s now due in January. I really was looking forward to it. Now, I don’t know. On the one hand, it’s a symbol of hope that I can and will get pregnant again. But on the other hand, I just don’t know if I can deal with it.
I went to work yesterday. I prayed hard in the car that I didn’t have to deliver anybody, and my prayers were answered. I put on a bright cheerful face and I think I fooled everyone. I haven’t told anyone at work yet, I haven’t figured out how to talk about it out loud without breaking down. It was bad enough when i had to tell my mother. I waited until Friday. No need to ruin anyone else’s Thanksgiving.
Other than the obvious though, I am doing ok. I am coping much better now. At least I think I am.