So I had my 2 week followup appointment today. Everything seems to be “back to normal.” Whatever “normal” is. My bleeding has basically slowed, gone bye bye, just some occasional spotting. Dr K tried his best to reassure me that this was probably just a fluke. That everything was OK and that since I had proven that I can get pregnant, I should be pregnant again soon. He said he would like for me to have at least one AF before I start TTC again. He gave me the reason for it(ie uterine lining needs to build back up for a bean to implant in), but stated that he has seen women come in without waiting pregnant again.
Well. I never thought I’d say it, but BRING ON AF!
I was browsing my google reader and came across a post from Tara over at Divine Secrets of the Infertility Sisterhood. She had copied a daily devotional that really hit home for me. It was basically about waiting on God and his plan for our lives. It was something I needed to read this morning while I was feeling down in the dumps about the miscarriage and C-Dub being laid off. I keep asking why, why me? why us? why now? Is this a test? What are we supposed to be learning? Help me to understand! It’s almost been a month, and I still don’t have answers. I still don’t understand. How do I move on without answers or understanding? How do I go on and be happy again? Sure, I smile, I even laugh. But underneath, I feel like if I let my guard down for just a minute, I will break into a million pieces. I’m tired of feeling like this. I want to go back to feeling happy and free and hopeful!
So for now, I am waiting on God to show me the plan.
Patience has never been one of my strong points.
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