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Stream of Consciousness Sunday: Decisions

#SOCsunday
I’ve been struggling  with this one question for the last week: To grad school or not to grad school?

 

This is my question.  After all the trouble I went through:filling our transcript request forms, getting transcripts, filling out paperwork for financial aid, working myself up into a tizzy about actually GOING to grad school this fall, I let the deadline pass.  Or so I thought.  The day after the July 1st deadline, I got an email from my advisor stating that I had 3 more weeks. Hmmm.  I am teetering on the edge.  Should I or shouldn’t I? I’m tired of my current state of work. I can’t do night shift or even shift work for the rest of my life.  I just can’t.  But I really don’t want to go back to school for two years either.  Just to do more nursing.  Even if it is mainly office work. Because, I took a good long look at myself and decided that even though I want to, really want to , I can’t be a midwife.  I can’t do the lifestyle.  I can’t do it.  My husband is tired of me working nights now.  He is tired of his wife being away from him 3 nights a week.  Yeah, it may be less when I’m a midwife, or it may be more?  And I do have to not just think about myself, but my baby too.  I don’t want to miss games and programs and special moments because I am working at night.  Or on call on the weekend and can’t leave the hospital.  I love delivering babies.  And maybe I will work as a L&D nurse every once and a while, but I don’t think that I could be a midwife.  For now.  So that just leaves a Women’s Health Nurse Practitioner.  Which seems…boring to me. But maybe it worn’t be? It would give me more options.  But do I want options? Why not just stick with what I know? Why not just deliver babies? Because delivering someone else’s children is really a self less job.  It’s a job for someone who has a lot to give to other people.  It is rewarding.  But I would rather give that time to my own family and my own baby.  is that wrong?  Should I follow my “dream” or should I do what’s best for my family?

 

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

  • Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
  • Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
  • Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
  • Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
  • Go visit http://allthingsfadra.com/ and link up and comment on other’s posts

Quiet Dreams

Tuesday 12th of July 2011

Sounds really tough. I guess one way to look at it is to think about what kind of life do you want for yourself...

Another thing to do is to get by yourself and focus, really focus on each option and figure out how you feel when you imagine yourself in each situation. Your own feelings may tell you a lot. Good luck with this.

krissy

Monday 11th of July 2011

ProDiva said it best!

Elyse

Sunday 10th of July 2011

Are we living the same life? Perhaps so! I am in the process of finalizing my grad school application for the fall. It seems so strange, me going back to school, but it is a dream of mine to get my master's. Middle ground is tough to find too. I've done a lot of soul searching for this one.

rosesdaughter

Monday 11th of July 2011

I'm still soul searching!!

kita

Sunday 10th of July 2011

At the end of the day you have to do whats best for you. For me I gave up a lot for my family I do regret it at times but the bigger picture is I don't have to miss anything when it comes to my kids and for me thats more important. Thats why I tell people to wait and have kids live your dreams and do you before children once they come every decision you make will revolve around them. I pray that you find the answers you need.

rosesdaughter

Sunday 10th of July 2011

Good advice!