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Pookah had been bugging me all day Saturday to go see his Grandma Rose. I mean ALL DAY. I really wanted to take a drive down to see my Dad, but my car is not reliable right now, so I was resigned to not going. But at the last minute, knowing I really wanted to go, Cdub offered to drive us down. Pookah was deliriously happy. My mother is the only female that he will throw me over for. I am chopped liver next to my mother. And I understand. Completely.
We got there late, so I figured that my Dad was asleep.  But he was awake.

He was so small. So frail. So…tiny in that bed.

I wanted to cry so badly.

He can’t talk at this time. And can barely get out of the bed. My cousin who is a nurses aid and I spent a lot of time teaching my mother about proper body mechanics and how to safely move him in the bed. He’s so light now that I swear I could pick him up if I had to.

He used to be so strong.

My mother is loosing weight also.

It’s the constant caregiving. The up and down at night. Being 66 years old and taking care of your bedridden, sick husband 24 hours a day 7 days a week.

I feel like I’m loosing them both.

Slowly.

Surely.

And there is nothing I can do about it.

She won’t let me hire help.

I don’t have the money to hire help.

But I would mortgage my house to the hilt if I could to help.

The only light of the weekend was Pookah’s constant need to check on his granddaddy. Pookah being the only one to get him to drink water. Pookah being the one to get him to eat.  Pookah drew him a picture  of us and taped it to the wall, “so Grandaddy can see us.”

I hated to leave. I felt like I was abandoning them.

Sigh.

 

 

  • Reply
    Kita
    May 20, 2014 at 9:26 am

    Hiring help costs so much I know first hand. I didn’t ask my mom I just hired someone without her knowing. I did without so she could have help. It’s so hard seeing your parents who took such good care of you be helpless. Prayers going up for them both

  • Reply
    Tazzee
    May 20, 2014 at 11:29 am

    (((HUGS))) My prayers are with you. It’s so hard watching our elders age. I’m in the beginning stages and I understand that feeling of helplessness.

  • Reply
    Nellie @ Brooklyn Active Mama
    May 20, 2014 at 1:13 pm

    (huge hugs) It is so amazing the powers that the children have over the elderly. You can only do what you can do.

  • Reply
    Krissy
    May 20, 2014 at 1:56 pm

    I’m so sorry your family is dealing with this. I pray things get better for everyone. *hugs*

  • Reply
    Preshus Me
    May 20, 2014 at 2:33 pm

    I’m sending lots of love and hugs your way!

  • Reply
    Adrienne
    May 20, 2014 at 3:24 pm

    (((HUGS)))) I will continue to keep you guys in prayer

  • Reply
    Cam | Bibs & Baubles
    May 21, 2014 at 2:31 am

    I have thought about your dad a few times lately. This post breaks my heart. I feel for you, I really do. I send you my hugs and my prayers.

  • Reply
    Quiana
    May 21, 2014 at 4:14 pm

    I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this. At 57 my parents are starting to go through their own health challenges. It’s really pushing my husband and I to proactively start taking better care of ourselves now. Please know that I am praying for your family.

  • Reply
    Candace
    May 24, 2014 at 7:22 pm

    ((HUGS)) I can’t imagine what this feels like and I’m so sorry you all have to go through this. I’m praying for you and your mother’s strength. So glad Pookah was there to bring that kid spirit for your dad.

  • Reply
    Jessica
    May 26, 2014 at 5:11 pm

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’ll be praying for your family. Hugs

  • Reply
    J.L. Williams
    May 27, 2014 at 1:58 am

    My prayers are with you and your family.

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