Soooo, all day long I got the congrats and the happy smiles/hugs. The giddiness. (Damn giddiness)
It practically got on my nerves. What ‘s wrong with me?
I dread coming out to the rest of the world. What’s next…..Facebook? (Oh no, I dread being a Facebook cliche!)
I liked it when it was my own little secret. Just me, C-Dub, my family and the bloggy world. Now, I still feel so exposed!
And the questions about do you want a boy or a girl? Will you find out? When are you due? Do you feel sick? What will you name the baby???????
(Insert Scream here)
I really think there is something wrong with me.
Why do people insist on asking questions like that when you’re not even really showing? And, really, who cares if you have a girl or boy, as long as it’s healthy and happy and in the car seat when you go home? And another thing. I’d like to know who thinks seriously about names this early in the game, when you don’t even know what you’re having yet? Granted, some folks don’t find out, but come on. Most of us do, simply cause we’re obsessive-compulsive, paranoid, and want to have the perfect nursery that could be in better homes and gardens. Yes, other people’s giddiness over your terror/amazing event/source of constant anxiety is irritating. Especially when you can’t join in.
It’s tough to handle everyone else’s comments, even though they mean well it will only get more annoying with time. Just smile and give everyone some answer that will make them shut up and go on about your day. The silliness will continue. Do your best to stay sane! **hugs**
There is nothing wrong with you.
Here, I will join in with your screams: Aiiiiieeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!
Answers I would be tempted to give:
1) The purposefully awkward
e.g. Q: “Do you want a boy or a girl?” A: “I would like a live baby, this time.”
2) The enigmatic
e.g. Q: “Will you find out the gender?” A: “Why do you ask?”
3) The honest
e.g. Q: Anything A: “I appreciate your interest, but I really just don’t want to talk about it.”
I suspect I will do #1 way more often than I should.
For reasons beyond being nervous, thought that was definitely one of them, I waited until I was 18 weeks to tell. I I was so bloated/chunky from all the fertility treatments prior to getting pregnant with my second IVF that I think everyone at work was used to my puffiness (I actually had n net weight gain at 18 weeks yet). I understand the ambivalence at 12/13 weeks about everything. I think once you get further into the second trimester you will start to enjoy it all a little bit more. Welcome to the second trimester! I have 3-4 weeks to go-
Oh, there’s nothing wrong with finding all the sudden enthusiasm creepy. I mean, where were all the hugs and questions when you really needed them, was what kept running through my mind, when I was in the pit of despair after the ectopic. It’s so ironic and sad that we only get all the support and encouragement after we’ve cleared the hurdles that have broken our hearts…
I think the conflict comes from several sources. First is the natural fear that things won’t work out – because it wasn’t as easy as it should have been to get where you are now, then you wonder what terrible thing will happen next. Then there’s the bittersweet – the feeling of how much more excited you would be if you didn’t know what you know about infertility. Finally, there’s the feeling that no one really understands just how much you were willing to sacrifice to get where you are, and their excitement takes so much for granted.
I hope these conflicting emotions pass soon – and you are able to enjoy everyone else’s enthusiasm and meet it with your own. But if you can’t, it’s just because you live in a different world than most people.
Here from L&F…
Everything you’re saying sounds totally normal to me. Speaking of FB, I’ve had MANY friends announce their pregnancies there (as you can imagine). I did have one friend, though, who chose not to, and only announced the birth. She did tell people she was close with that she was pregnant (via email and such), but didn’t make such a public and cliche’d (as you put it) announcement on FB. An interesting way to go. Hang in there with the giddiness.
(found you thru the ICLW list, even though i forgot AGAIN)
i had to come out at work this week, too…it was very strange. i only told people who needed to know. some people were excited, others saw this as a way for me to increase their workload. i have not had the opportunity to tell people i work with at clinic yet, but my assistant asked today if i was pregnant. when people ask point blank i feel like i cannot lie or it is some kind of jinx, you know?
i also dread becoming the facebook cliche!!!
Hi, here from LFCA (except I didn’t sign up)….just wanted to say that I’m about a week behind you and am also pregnant after a miscarriage (two consecutive ones to be exact). the feeling is surreal huh? I cannot believe I’ve made it this far. I’m so thankful. It’s difficult to really celebrate this pregnancy, but now that i’m about to end the 1st trimester, I’m finally starting to do so. I haven’t told the “public yet”. I just told close friends and now, my bosses at work…..it’s taking me some courage to come out….I dont know why!? but in that I can empathize with you.
Stopping in from ICLW to say HI!!!! I just (really JUST) found out that I am pregnant. We’ve been trying for a long time. I can not help but LOVE the idea that only my husband and I know (IRL)!!! Just this little secret that ONLY we share. I don’t want to give it up either!!!
Good Luck!
Sorry–used wrong log in above—this is the one for ICLW!!!!
Congrats to you and your DH on your BFP! And good luck “coming out.” Here’s to hoping it’s in YOUR time…and YOUR comfort zone, and not due to pressure from others. 🙂
*ICLW(
I would say it gets better but it does not. As you get bigger- people think they need to let you know… like you haven’t noticed right??? Then they ask you over and over when are you due because they never remember. Then they comment how your body has changed… and ask about the name, sex, how you feel, are you excited, etc. I am ready to have mine because my legs hurt.. I have never hated walking so much in my life. The #1 item on my wishlist these days is a wheelchair. I thought I wanted to be put on bedrest at one point this week… the pressure is mounting I think (physically not to mention emotionally too). Oh well enjoy it all while you can! 🙂
After I “came out” I got so annoyed that I started counting the number of times I was asked “what gender,” “due date,” “how are you feeling” etc. My girlfriends turned it into a game at my shower. I also kept track of all the stupid questions and comments people said just for giggles!!!