So vacation was great. Me and C-Dub spent a lot of quality time together, just enjoying each other. Of course, we just couldn't totally get away from the “So when are you going to have kids?” question. But C-Dub had the perfect answer, “Whenever God decides.”
At the time, I just smiled and nodded my head, grateful that the topic was dropped after that. But then I got back home and found the passage that I made into a new page and it really came home to me.
Before I left, I was so set on “think positive!” But this last year with every BFN or appearance of AF or watching everyone else get pregnant, I have been letting this whole process “steal my joy.” I was becoming an angry, sad, jealous and bitter bitch.
Nothing had “real” joy. Not work, not time off, not time with C-Dub, nothing. Just my obsession with becoming pregnant. Everything was being centered around, well I can't do that because I might be pregnant then, or that's my O week we need to be home to BD every day, or it's the 2WW. My life is virtually on hold waiting for that magical BFP. And I am tired of that.
My joy has been stolen!
Well, I am vowing right now to take it back. I want my life to be full of friends, happiness, ecstasy, and yes Joy.
That's my new mission. No matter what.