Decisions

Grad School.

I’ve decided( basically) that I’m going.

The question that still remains is:

To do what?

I’m going back for nursing.  After all, why waste all of the hard work of the last 11 years?

The REAL question is:

Midwife or Nurse Practitioner?

I’ve always wanted to be a midwife.

But I’m scared.

See, I don’t know if I’m ready for all of that responsibility.

I don’t know if I want it.

I love love love delivering babies.  LOVE MY JOB.

I just hate the conditions under which I do it.

But in the last few weeks, I’ve been wondering how it would feel to be in a different role.

To be the one actually delivering the babies.

To be the one actually making the decisions.

Am I ready for that?

Or should I be a Nurse Practitioner and just work in a Doctors office where I’ll have regular hours, no call, no weekends and no holidays?

What do I want to do??

Should I go with the predictable? Should I go with my heart even though my life would still be unpredictable in a way? A life of missing holidays, birthdays and gatherings due to being on call/working?

Or should I not even worry about that and just go with what I love? What I’ve wanted to do since nursing school?

Am I ready for the next hellish 2 1/2 years if I do so?

Am I prepared to spend upwards of 50 K to get an education?

Am I prepared to have a complete change in lifestyle?

Isn’t it time to shit or get off the pot?

Sigh.

Decisions Decisions.