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I’m About to Go Off….

letters to my sons 7

On Monday, I had just finished reading this very interesting article on black boys having an easier time in suburban areas when I got a call from CDub about Pookah’s latest shenanagans at school.  In the past week or so, I noticed that Pookah had started not finishing his work at school.  It started with not wanting to write his name. Saying he couldn’t.


He can write it….just not as well as some may want him to.  Pookah’s fine motor skills are still developing. He can write his name just fine. It’s just that sometimes his C’s are backwards and sometimes so are his E’s.  I looked it up( paranoid Mama that I am) and saw that this is normal. Even expected for his age group.  So I was OK with it. After all, he is in pre-K when he is technically not supposed to be there until next year. I figured with a little practice and time, he would be fine by this time next year. When he enters Kindergarten. Especially since he seems to be on track or ahead of the class in all other areas.

But then, he started NOT finishing his work, and his teacher would send it home to finish.  I was thinking, maybe it’s difficult? But no, I get him home to do it, and we do it. No problems. No issues. Quickly. So why wasn’t he finishing this at school?

So Monday night when CDub told me the teacher had pulled him aside and told him this was a problem, I was concerned.

How do you have problems in Pre-K with not finishing work???

CDub said his teacher said, yes, he’s very smart( I know that), but he just doesn’t WANT to finish it.  He just acts like he doesn’t know how.

Hmmm. Why? I wondered.

So when I got home that night, I took Pookah aside and we chit chatted.

When I asked him what happened, he stumbled he mumbled and then he said:

” I’m….I’m…I’m different.”

What do you mean baby? How are you diffrerent?

“I’m only 3 and the other kids are 4 Mama.  I can’t do it like them because I’m not 4.”

It took everything in me at that moment not to scream in outrage and disbelief.  Because those aren’t the words of a 3 year old. DIFFERENT?

And WHO has been telling my child that the reason he can’t do things is because he’s 3??? WHO IS DESTROYING MY LITTLE BLACK BOYS CONFIDENCE?????????

OH I AM HOT FOLKS!!!!!!!!!!

My child will have enough obstacles thrown in his way. he will have to fight and be better than most just to get half of what the rest of boys in this world have.

And here you are telling him that because he’s three he can’t do as well? You are undermining his confidence before it even begins???

OVER WRITING HIS DAMN NAME????????????????????????????????

Because this is what it has come down to. Pookah has drawn his line in the sand and is not crossing over it. He has given up doing EVERYTHING because you are not boosting his confidence because he is writing his E’s backwards.


You put him on the wall because he wouldn’t write his name.


You didn’t stop to think that maybe he didn’t write it because you’ve got him wound up so tight about doing it JUST RIGHT that he’s given up on doing it at all.

We are NOT here for this mess.

It took everything in me this morning not to sit and WAIT for his teachers. But I was too mad and not nothing that would have come out of my mouth would have made any kind of sense.

A lot of bleep bleep bleeping.

But it’s on at 4 pm today. I will be there.

Nobody messes with my boy.





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  • Reply
    October 22, 2013 at 11:38 am

    Yes, Mama. You have to stick up for your child! I learned that when it comes to my daughter, also. She is 4 with great fine and gross motor skills. There are times when people thinks she’s older, but when they realize her age, they try to “dumb” stuff down for her. I make it very clear that is not necessary. Can’t wait to hear how things go with you.

    • Reply
      October 22, 2013 at 7:16 pm

      I’ll be blogging about it tomorrow, but I maintained my cool and got my point across!

  • Reply
    October 22, 2013 at 11:45 am

    girl that sounds like a mess. I would be pissed too. Don’t go in there swinging though. Figure out what the hell is going on!

    • Reply
      October 22, 2013 at 7:16 pm

      i was good, no cursing!

  • Reply
    October 22, 2013 at 12:04 pm

    This is exactly how I learned to stop pushing Izzy so hard, she stops wanting to do anything if there’s too much pressure. And why the HELL are we placing pressure on preschoolers? Get those people up there at the school right about your baby, but don’t hurt nobody, lol! Pookah is going to see that you stood up for him, and it’s going to mean so much to him when he gets older!

    • Reply
      October 22, 2013 at 7:15 pm

      I know right? I just wish they could be kids as long as possible. All of this pressure at such an early age can’t be good.

  • Reply
    Yolanda @Seeing It Their Way
    October 22, 2013 at 1:45 pm

    That is part of the reason I/we have chosen our boys. We are supposed to trust OUR boys to people who have no true vested interest in their success. GRRRR

    • Reply
      October 22, 2013 at 7:14 pm

      They gone learn about me and my husband today!

  • Reply
    October 22, 2013 at 3:00 pm

    You can tell when teacher say certain things and I love that they can come back and tell us because once you hear it you know someone had to say something. My child is 4 and can’t write her name that well so no he is not different.

    • Reply
      October 22, 2013 at 7:13 pm

      she denies she said it, but I think she suspects her teachers assistant like I do

  • Reply
    Nellie @ Brooklyn Active Mama
    October 22, 2013 at 3:04 pm

    Oh my word. I would be just as angry as you. I hate that no one EVER tries to solve the problem before labeling it a problem that can’t be solved. I have the same issue with my boy saying “I can’t” it drives me nuts sometimes but I know he can and he has proven it to me many times, so now its a matter of getting his confidence up.

    Let us know how it goes. Pookah is so smart and he doesn’t need all of that so early in his learning life.

    • Reply
      October 22, 2013 at 7:13 pm

      I agree i hate I can’t. I was joking with Pookah the other day when I said: there is no CAN’T only DO in my Yoda voice

  • Reply
    October 22, 2013 at 3:32 pm

    Oooooh weeeee. Hopefully you figure out a way to get him back to his regular self. Everything crossed.

    • Reply
      October 22, 2013 at 7:12 pm

      thanks. I just have to build him up!

  • Reply
    October 22, 2013 at 3:52 pm

    The teacher who is telling him these things needs to check herself. She should know that he’s still learning and shouldn’t use that to make him feel bad. Even if he was 4, kids learn at different rates. One would expect her to know and respect that especially with them being that young.

    • Reply
      October 22, 2013 at 7:12 pm

      I agree. get this, she didn’t even know he was still 3!!!

  • Reply
    So I didn't go off..... - LaShawn Wiltz
    October 23, 2013 at 8:38 am

    […] if you don’t know what I’m talking about, go check out this post first, and then come […]

  • Reply
    Krystyn @ Really, Are You Serious?
    October 24, 2013 at 7:47 pm

    You totally have to stick up for your kiddos. It really stinks that this happens, but hopefully you can reverse it quickly.

  • Reply
    October 24, 2013 at 9:10 pm

    I hear you, we need to be an advocate for our children. Some people can be so insensitive, not thinking that the comments they make can do serious damage.

  • Reply
    Katherine G
    October 24, 2013 at 10:42 pm

    Uh-oh here comes the mama bear. I had one of those moments this week myself. I hope you get everything straightened out.

  • Reply
    November 4, 2013 at 6:11 pm

    See. The sad part about it is I am sure his teacher didn’t see anything wrong with what she said or did.

    We really do have to be advocates for our children because if we don’t who will. I’m about 2 seconds from going ham at my son’s school. If he doesn’t test into this TAG program they are going to have some major problems on their hand.

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