Random Tuesday: Work Edition

It’s that time friends…..

A day in the life of a Labor and Delivery Triage Nurse….

0700 am: Triage is empty. It’s the beginning of a beautiful day.

0800 am: Still no patients in triage.  I go get fake Starbucks from the wanna be Starbucks in the lobby. The sun is shining. I got some right before I left for work. Yeah. I’m feeling good…..

0900 am: My triage partner goes to get her evaluation and I take care of the first patient of the day: discharge for 1 week.

STOP: Why have you had discharge for a week( green discharge at that) and are JUST now coming in?  What changed? What made you say, today is the day I will have green discharge no more???

1100 am: Patient arrives by ambulance. Problem today? And I quote: “Something ain’t right in my pocket book.” What, you don’t have any money? Oh wait, she’s talking about her VAGINA.  Indeed. Diagnosis: you have Chlamydia. Her response: My grandmother told me old men give you worms. To which I reply: My Granny told me the same thing. But baby, this ain’t no worm.

100 pm: Another ambulance arrival. They picked her up from high school. “What are you here for?” My baby hasn’t moved in a week. I already knew before I put the monitor on. Admit to labor and delivery for fetal demise   The sad part was her mother looked…relieved.  Even the baby daddy.  The only one upset was the patient herself. When everyone else went to lunch, I held her why she cried. SMH. No one else had said they were sorry for her loss.

230 pm: Patient in for pre-op for her c section the next day.  I take her blood, and get ready to ask a few questions. She sends her boyfriend out to go see if her mother is there yet to pick them up. And then says: Yeah, so I have HIV. And he doesn’t know. I manage to keep my face straight and we go over the plan for the am for her to receive her AZT before the surgery. He comes back in. We act like everything is OK. I tell them I’ll see them tomorrow.

Sometimes I hate HIPAA.

3pm: Patient here for vaginal itching. Her doctor happens to be there and we go in. Pull back the covers and……why are there things crawling on her and little red scabs??? DA HELL???????? I immediately start backing out the room while she says, oh yeah, my son had scabies last week….

As soon as she is discharged, I dump all my clothing( underwear included) in the trash, and change my clothes. And for the rest of the day, I find myself randomly itching. *shudder*

5pm: So we are down one room in triage due to the fact that the  room scabies girl was in has to be decontaminated before we can use it again.

515pm: Patient rushed back from waiting room because she is screaming.  I check her and feel legs instead of a head. We rush her back to the OR. Lucky for her, her Doctor is there and out comes the baby. Successful breech delivery.

555 PM: ANOTHER patient screaming down the hallway. Saying she has pressure and needs to push.  Except this one is one centimeter, and FOS (Full of shit. Literally). Take yo ass home and take an enema.

Side note: It always amazes me that as soon as you say you are one centimeter, these woman stop the dramatics. She went home.  Happy. Smiling. Drinking apple juice to help move things along.

630: There are 5 laboring patients in triage and NO beds on Labor and Delivery. 30 more minutes is the mantra I keep repeating in my head.  I run from room to room giving pain meds and reassuring husbands that their children won’t be born on stretchers.

700 pm: Ummm, there is a patient screaming that the baby is coming ……..NONONONONONO!!

715pm: That patient is on her side, waiting for the doctor to come. I have given report to the oncoming shift……

730pm: OK, I’m soft. I stay and help deliver that patient. Such a cute snuggly little baby girl. Her name was Hope….

See, not all days on L&D are ratchet.  Some are just normal days full of normal people having normal babies.  With a little excitement mixed in.

That’s when I love it most of all.

The end.