Random Tuesdays: Work Edition

Its day one of NaBloPoMo…..

I worked in Triage the other night..

So,without further ado….

• 7:45 pm: Patient rolls into triage with 4 suitcases, 3 more bags, two purses….and bedbugs. She states that she can’t stay at home, because it’s infested. Her plans were to stay in Labor and Delivery…..for the DURATION OF HER PREGNANCY! Some 4 months…naw boo move into a hotel until you fumigate.
• 8:30pm: Ms J. Frequent flyer already at 26 weeks. She is bipolar. She doesn’t take her meds. She NEEDS her meds. Plan is to admit her back to our Antepartum unit. But we have to wait for a bed.
• 10:00 pm: Patient M comes in complaining of contractions at 34 weeks. Waay to early.
• 11:30 pm: I’m thinking it’s a good night so far, I’ve only had three patients….
• 12:15 am: I’m putting food in my mouth when I hear a commotion in the hallway: “B***H I’m gonna put you in labor!” “You ain’t go do nothing! Ima Whop yo ass!” Patient M and Ms J are in the hall way, butts hanging out, using their IV poles as weapons. Security is called…..
• 1:30 am: All is calm again, Ms J is handcuffed to her bed for assault with a deadly weapon( turns out she had a knife in her afro(I’m serious folks) and Patient M is filling out a police report.
• 1:40am: I finally sit back down to my lunch. It’s cold…
• 2:00am: A patient comes in complaining of contractions and rupture of membranes. I can see she’s ruptured because the towel in between her legs is soaked. So I admit her, start her IV. I go to check her to see how dilated she is and….wait…there is a set of baby toes in the vagina, pinching me…….STAT C Section!
• 3:30am:Ms J has been transferred to a room, Ms Bedbugs has been sent back to her flea infested home with a list of exterminators, and Patient M has been sent home. The hospital exterminators have been called. Can’t put anyone is Ms Bedbeds room for 4 hours after they spray. Triage is quiet……
• 3:45 am: Patient B comes in complaining of discharge. Now this is her 4th visit this pregnancy for discharge. Usually it turns out to be Chlamydia. EVERY TIME. And she still totes that man right on up in triage. She’s giving him the evil eye, and he’s oblivious, watching ESPN highlights…
• 4:00am: Rule out Labor: She’s 5 cm….relatively calm admission….even though she is sporting a black eye….her excuse? I ran into a door…yeah, a BIG door that looks like her boyfriend…social services called…
• 5:30 am: Another admission for “discharge”. She drops her underwear, I almost pass out. Ummmm, how long has this discharge been green……..
• 5:45 am: Patient B’s results are back….I go in…”So, Ms B, you have Chlamydia…again…ummm did both get treated?” “yes yes, I went with him, watched him take his antibiotics”….Silence……Suddenly, Patient B jumps out of the bed and wails on the boyfriend…I might have waited a bit before calling security this time…..but must be professional…
• 6:00 am:Its’ almost time to go home….please no more patients…..
• 6:25 am: Dr Crazy has bought in krispy kreme donuts. I’m about to put one in my mouth when…
• Patient walks in bleeding, blood running down her leg…..STAT C-Section..mom abrupting….baby to the NICU…
• 8:00 am: I call C-Dub and let him know I’m going to be really late. He will have to take Pookah to daycare. He’s not happy. Such is life…..
• 9:00am: After charting and charting and charting and charting…I get to go home. 2 hours late..
• And all the donuts are gone…..