Weekend observations.

So……..

I go to work today, working at the hospital for an odd weekend shift.  (Still need that extra money you know).  So, I get there, do a delivery, chill.  I’m doing all right.  Get another patient.  Chill.  Deliver( and I do mean deliver, literally.  The doctor didn’t make it. ) someone else’s patient.  Then, I get the news:

“Well, you know, Miss Whiney is pregnant.  8 weeks.  ”

Ok.

“And Cool Work Friend is pregnant too.”

Ok, Cool Work Friend,(we will call her K from here out) was great after the miscarraige.  She left me alone, talked to me like I was normal, and didn’t treat me with kids gloves like some others.  She always joked that she was going to need a RE to get pregnant because she was going to be over 35 by the time she found a man.  She had just broken off her engagement.

Well, of course, she is pregnant.  Accidently.  By the ex.  And she didn’t even want to be.

I love her to death, but for a second, I honestly hated her guts.

I feel so bad. 

But honestly, I wasn’t devestated to hear the news of pregnancy like I have been.  I laughed at the irony of it all, and tried to tuck it away( after the momentary gut hating).  I guess I’m returning to normal?

Or whatever normal is.

We went to the park yesterday, and everyone was out with babies in the strollers, babies in arms, babies on the swings, babies in the grass, babies babies, babies. And dogs.

I felt so left out.  We were just walking through the park, strolling, talking, just enjoying the day.  It would have been perfect if we had had a baby or even a damn dog.  Or even if I was just still pregnant.  Waiting.  Anticipating.

I got an invitation to a baby shower next weekend.  Yet another work friend who got pregnant after trying for 6 months.  She’s been great.  But I still don’t want to go to the freakin baby shower.  But I will.  You know I will.  She’s a friend and I’m a glutton for punishment. 

So since the OPK was positive on Friday, I should have ovulated by now.  Can’t do anything else this cycle except lay off the caffeine and cross my fingers.  Hoping would be too painful.  I am going to try to go back to acting like I’m not paying attention.

I guess I’ll know in two weeks.

Just like last month.

Shit.