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Breastfeeding tales…..and bottles.

I feel like I have escaped from the crazy house:

My mother is holding the Pookah.

And he is sleeping.

I, of course, am not following the rules by sleeping when he is sleeping.  I am online, checking Facebook, paying bills, updating this blog, looking at my google reader( 200 items YIKES!), and  researching exclusive pumping…….

Oh yeah.

I started pumping this week, just to get used to it.  It’s OK.   I REALLY feel like a cow when that pump is going.  But I pump enough for 2 bottles out of one breast in 15 minutes. 

It’s weirdly satisfying.

It’s VERY nice, I admit, to let someone else give him a bottle while I rest.  It was kind of depressing at first, because I felt like a failure for even considering it.  But really, who cares how he’s getting the breast milk and all of it’s wonderful properties as long as he gets it??????

Of course, this means I’ve been through several types of bottles, trying to find the right one.  Several of them( the Medela ones that come with the pump for example) seem to increased the amount of gas Pookah has.  Which means he gets agitated.  Which means Momma and Daddy are also agitated. ALL NIGHT AND ALL DAY LONG!!!!  The Avent bottles are nice(supposed to reduce colic), but I noticed lots of bubbles in those and the agitation continued.  So, the lactation consultant at the pediatrician’s  office suggested the VERY expensive Dr Browns.  Well, no bubbles noted, and Pookah is currently passed out in my mother’s arms after receiving his once a day/evening bottle.

No agitation in sight……….

Hmmmmm.  It looks like I am about to spend the rest of my gift cards on Dr. Brown’s very expensive products………

But back to exclusively pumping.  It’s not that I don’t like breastfeeding…..

OK, I take that back, I really don’t.( I feel awful admitting that)

I want him to get all the benefits, but since he doesn’t seem to be picky on how he gets it, and the fact that I’m going back to work in 4 weeks,(hopefully), he needs to get used to it anyway. 

Decisions, decisions. 

I feel like a selfish bitch, and that I am failing my first test as a mother, but damn it, I am so tired. 

And I want my breasts back!

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  • Reply
    Quiet Dreams
    December 13, 2009 at 10:26 pm

    Please don’t feel guilty. You are doing an amazing job. Amazing. This is such a difficult time for new parents, especially new mothers. Do what you need to do to get through it. Taking care of yourself is a way of taking care of BabyDub.

  • Reply
    December 14, 2009 at 12:48 pm

    You don’t sound selfish at all. Do what works for you Mama!

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