Today, my precious pookah is 2 weeks old.
I find it hard to believe that I have been someone’s Momma for 2 weeks!
And while it has not been all roses, I am so in love with my little one.
It is hard for me to admit that it hasn’t been perfect. For over two years, I have dreamed and plotted and planned to be a mother. You would think that with all my planning, research, yearning, and anticipating, everything would be while not perfect, as close to it as it can get.
But that’s not reality.
I am trying not to let my jobless state intrude on this time, but I must. It’s two weeks in, and I really need to go back to work in January. This means I have to start the process of looking for, applying for and interviewing for jobs. When my baby is just 2 weeks old. It makes me almost physically ill to think of going to work and leaving my baby somewhere in a mere 4 weeks. My parents have basically moved in and taken over. On the one hand, I am so grateful for the selfless sacrifice of leaving their home and basically setting up shop at mine. I mean, they buy all the groceries, they cook all the meals, they clean, they wash clothes, they hold the baby while I sleep, the give us money for half of the mortgage with the promise that they can give us the whole thing next month.
It’s enough to send me over the edge.
I can’t count how many times I have broken down and cried in the last two weeks. In joy as I look down at CJ’s face, or watch C-Dub be the amazing father I only dreamed he would be; in gratitude for my parents, in frustration at my situation, and in despair as I prepare to go back to work.
But I can’t live off of my parents forever. There is something SO wrong with that scenario.
Since i started writing this post(about 4 hours ago) I have secured an interview with a recruiter at one of the hospitals here. It’s a night-time position :(. Part time or either PRN(as needed). I will see what the pay is vs the commitment needed. I’m trying to work as little as possible for as much money as I can.
(Sign). This is so depressing.
I just want to stay home with my baby and not have to worry about this.
Get Everyday Eyecandy in Your Inbox
Subscribe to get our latest content by email every week.