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early am ramblings

Well, she showed early yesterday morning and proceeded to hemorrhage her way through the day.  I swear, AF is getting heavier and heavier and heavier.  And PMS is a bitch!  I never had it before.  But now….My poor poor husband.  I don’t even realize I’m being a bitch.  Even when I try to apologize, I end up being a bitch.  So I just shut up.  That’s probably why I ‘m downstairs at 1 am even though I am soooooo tired and have a million things to do in the am.  Sign.  On to cycle #11.  

CYCLE #11??????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Something is really wrong with me.  Or is it?  Two other friends of mine are trying to get pregnant too.  We are all in out 30s.  KK just got married 3 months ago, and is trying trying trying.  But really, it’s only been 3 months.  And then KB has been trying for over a year.  But she had the first one by accident!  Hmmmmmm. And she is a OB for goodness sake!  If she can’t figure out what’s wrong, then what about me?

Is it age?  Everyone young seems to get pregnant.  And why is it that some people decide to get pregnant and then just are?  Why do some people get pregnant by accident?  Why do some people have 5 or 6 kids that they don’t even want? WHY WHY WHY?

See, that’s why sometimes I think I need medication.  You know I really love this blog.  No one is my “real” life knows about it or even reads this blog.  I can really be me.  Only a few have an inkling of how I really feel, of how I am barely holding together that bright happy persona they see everyday.  They don’t know anything about my almost year long obsession now. 

11 MONTHS!!! 

Oh God, what do I do?


Friday 15th of August 2008

I wish I knew the answer, life is so unfair at times!


Friday 15th of August 2008

We're on the same boat. I'm also wondering why there are people who don't want kids and yet, they get pregnant easily while here we are, trying our darn best to conceive.