So, it's the Friday before a holiday weekend, and i'm still at work. I'll be here until 8pm.
I've been trying to figure out exactly what to do with myself in terms of finding time to work out, get rest, take some me time, be a good wife, be a good mom, be a good worker….
There just isn't enough time in the day. Or the week. Or the year.
My boss came to me yesterday morning and asked me if I wanted to work a 10 hour day. Four days a week.
Now at first glance, this doesn't seem like a deal: two days a week, I would still be here until 8pm, and the other days until 630. But chile.
That one day off.
I think I've been struggling so much because all of my adult working life( with the exception of about a year) I've had at least one day off during the week.
I've missed that day.
I've been trying to figure out why I couldn't get myself together. Why I could never seem to get anything done around the house, why the clothes basket always ran over, why none of the projects for the house even got started, why I never feel like cooking, why I always felt just….drained.
Because I have no ME time.
ME time is important. At least, it's important to me. And I haven't had any.
I spend my Saturdays and Sundays catering to the two men in my life. Making sure I am all of the things to them. That Pookah gets his one on one Mama time. That CDub gets his one on one wifey time and HIS me time if I have to work a weekend day at the hospital.
I squeeze in a few hours here and there to get a pedicure, but that's it. And I feel guilty and rush through it.
But I miss randomly sitting in Starbucks drinking my coffee slowly and reading a book.
I miss going back to bed as soon as I drop of Pookah.
I miss watching the big TV in the den without someone asking me if they can watch Little Einsteins or Monk.
I miss randomly surfing the web in peace.
I miss spontaneous trips to the mall where I try on all of the shoes in the shoe department.
I miss cleaning my house…by myself.
It isn't so much that I do more than I used to. I'm tired, but I've come to realize that it's a mental thing.
All work and no me time makes Mama a basket case.
I've been missing my time.
So I'm yanking it back.
I'll be sacrificing longer days for that one day off.
For 8 hours of me time.
We'll call it my mental health day.
I've also made an executive decision that once I've paid off this one last massive credit card that I've got left, that I'll quit the hospital. Because, it's just not worth it. I'll miss the extra money but….life goes on.
I can't wait.