Motherhood

I’ve been practicing selfies for forever now.  And they never come out right. Something is always off. The focus, the light, the composition. I’m never satisfied.

Sometimes, I feel like motherhood is the same way.  I’ve been “practicing” for three years. But I always feel like I can never quite get it right. I can never quite do it like my mother did it. I’m not consistent enough. I’m not tough enough, I don’t play enough, I don’t discipline the “right” way, etc etc etc..

I had big plans for motherhood. A big lists of things I would and would not do. But motherhood is a journey, a learning experience. I wouldn’t say it’s an experiment, but close to it. I can only try to do my best and pray that it all turns out right.  I think for the most part, I am doing OK. Because I am the mother to this brilliant 3 year old who is full of joy and laughter and light despite all the things that go wrong in his life.

Yesterday I got my first ever Mother’s Day card from my Pookah. It was handmade. And it was imperfectly perfect.  I loved it. And I realized that Pookah loves me the same way.  He doesn’t care that I’m an imperfect mother with all my perceived flaws. When that sweet voice tells me that he loves me and gives me sweet kisses, I know that all he sees is someone who loves him. Consistently.  All the time.

And that lets me know I’m doing something right.