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Well, my first night back was OK.

I mean, it was great to see old friends.  Working on a nursing unit is like having a family.  You miss them when you are gone.  I loved having adult conversation with other new moms(there are 5 of us with babies under 4 months, all pumping at the same time).  But I was missing the Pookah all night.  I was awake all night. I was actually jealous of C-Dub that he got to wake up and feed the Pookah.  Pookah is taking the bottle now like a champ.  SO much so that he is beginning to not like waiting for the “let down” that comes with breastfeeding. He’s getting used to the instant gratification of the bottle.  So even though I am using the slow flow nipples, Pookah is developing a preference.  I don’t know how I feel about that.  I’ve grown to love it when he breastfeeds. It’s our time together.  Just me and him.  I know it’s irrational, but I’m jealous any time anyone else feeds him.  It’s like they are encroaching on MY time with him.  I know he’ll stop breastfeeding eventually, but I’m finding that I am not ready for that yet.  I hate pumping.  I don’t want to give him formula.  But I have a feeling that soon, he is going to prefer the bottle over me.  It feels sort of like rejection.  Irrational huh?

But anyway, the first night back to work was not as bad as I was anticipating.  I got to pump 3 times in 12 hours. I got about 30 oz.   Which is good.  He took  five three oz bottles last night.  Geez. My only consolation is that he didn’t sleep any better for C-Dub than he does for me.  Ha Ha 

But……today…when I got home. Blah.  I was lucky because it’s a Saturday, and C-Dub is here.  So he basically kept Pookah and came to me for feedings.  I was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo exhausted.  I don’t even remember feeding Pookah most of the time.  I just remember waking up to find my nipple is his ear, or in his neck with milk dribbling everywhere.  Good Lord! What am I going to do when it’s just me?  I got up around 130 this afternoon and Pookah promptly ate and is now sleeping the day away. 

Anyway, I go back to work Monday night, then next Thursday.  Since my mom is going home Monday morning, we’ll see how I do on Tuesday on my own.  I’m kind of scared.

The Pookah is stirring so I have to wrap this up.

Just one more thing…………


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  • Reply
    B MoM
    February 8, 2010 at 3:45 pm

    I dont think you’re feeling irrational at all..I’d probably feel the same way. Just the other day, I felt a tad jealouse when a friend of mine was able to get Kaua quieted down when I wasn’t able to. I felt as if she was a better mommy than me. Oh well….

  • Reply
    Quiet Dreams
    February 10, 2010 at 11:20 am

    You don’t sound irrational to me. At all.

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