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SOC Sunday:Bad Parenting?


I’m having problems with Pookah.  On Friday, I got a bad report from his teacher. And its not the first time.  Evidently, he had been behaving so badly( hitting, biting, throwing things) that she separated him from the rest of the class.  he was in time out all by himself.  In ANOTHER room.  According to her, he was in a rage.  I knew exactly what she was talking about. One moment, he is this sweet loving child who wants hugs, kisses, who is cooperative who does what you tell him. Then you have the other Pookah.  When  it comes to sharing, or another child tries to take something from him, he  flies off the handle, wants to throw things when he is mad, hit you or whoever is the offending party or worse, bite.  His teacher had been handling it, but she says its getting to the point where she is going to have to say something to the other parents.  And that takes it to another whole level. Sigh.  I dont’ know what to do.

I’ve talked to him, I’ve tapped his hands, I’ve given him time out, I’ve prayed, I’ve read all the books, I’ve asked for advice.  Nothing seems to be working.  I’m at a loss at what to do.  He rarely does this when he is with me.  i see glimpses of it. He every once and a while will try to hit me, but I put a stop to that quickly.  I just don’t know what to do. I’m afraid for my child. I know he’s young, but if this defiance or rage, or what ever you want to call it isn’t gotten under control now, what does it mean for his future? Someone told me it’s just a phase and that’ he’ll grown out of it, but what if he doesn’t? I’m trying to be a good mom, I am consistent, I do the same thing, I discipline the same way every time.

The worse part seems to be that my mom is kinda sorta blaming me and CDub for it.  She said we dont put enough limits on Pookah. That we let him have things and do things with our stuff, so that when he goes to daycare and can’t have something, he doenst understand the concept.  What? Just because I let him see my iphone and let him read stories on my nook, and he has a access to a few electronics that we watch him carefully when he handles them, does that mean we are too indulgent? I don’t let him have his way all the time, he doesn’t get everything he wants.  I mean really, he can’t touch my laptop, he can’t have my Canon, he can’t touch the stove, he has limits! If he didn’t , I wouldn’t have so many temper tantrums in Walmart for goodness sake.   That really hurt my heart that she would say basically that its my fault.  She tried to backtrack, but it had already been said.  I’m rambling, but this situation is bananas.  I need help, and don’t where to go.


This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
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Saturday 12th of November 2011

How old is Pookah? I think he's 4 or so. Right around Evan's age. Yes, he has split personalities and they can change on a dime. We've definitely gone through phases. We're over the rage now and onto major attitude. But I do need to give him time sometimes to just calm down. And definitely talking about strategies to cope with anger is a good thing. Lots of good kid books on this. Don't stress too much!


Monday 7th of November 2011

The one thing that I have learned from being a parent at 11 years old is that kids react in different situations. If he only does it at school something is going on to make him feel like he has to act like that. Maybe he sees it from another child or maybe the teacher does redirect him properly. Also I know it hurts but sometimes we do have to look at ourselves. I had to really "tighten up" on my son when he was about 3-7. He had to have consequences for what he did--sometimes very creative ones... Don't beat yourself up. Just strategize how to handle it and just DO IT!!!


Monday 7th of November 2011

Thanks for the encouragement! I'm working on strategies now!

Blond Duck

Monday 7th of November 2011

Popped in from SITS! I don't think it's your fault for letting him look at things. I think he's frustrated because he can't express himself and lashes out physically. Maybe you could try a distraction bucket for the teacher--like a bucket of favorite toys that they could hand him whenever he gets wound up.


Monday 7th of November 2011

good idea! thanks for stopping by!


Sunday 6th of November 2011

Ah mothers! They should all be getting nose bleeds from the high horses they ride on (at least mine!). You hang in there; kids act up, go through things and then they are your sweethearts again. Talk to him, hug him and take a breath. It will get better. -r

Misty @ The Family Math

Sunday 6th of November 2011

I'm sorry your mom is giving you a hard time about this. That doesn't help anything.

Have you thought about role playing with Pookah to help him understand how it makes the other kids feel when he gets upset about sharing? My little boy is only 7 months, but role playing is one of the redirect/correct methods his day care uses with the older kids.