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Pookah adventures stream of consciousness Sunday

SOC Sunday:Bad Parenting?


I’m having problems with Pookah.  On Friday, I got a bad report from his teacher. And its not the first time.  Evidently, he had been behaving so badly( hitting, biting, throwing things) that she separated him from the rest of the class.  he was in time out all by himself.  In ANOTHER room.  According to her, he was in a rage.  I knew exactly what she was talking about. One moment, he is this sweet loving child who wants hugs, kisses, who is cooperative who does what you tell him. Then you have the other Pookah.  When  it comes to sharing, or another child tries to take something from him, he  flies off the handle, wants to throw things when he is mad, hit you or whoever is the offending party or worse, bite.  His teacher had been handling it, but she says its getting to the point where she is going to have to say something to the other parents.  And that takes it to another whole level. Sigh.  I dont’ know what to do.

I’ve talked to him, I’ve tapped his hands, I’ve given him time out, I’ve prayed, I’ve read all the books, I’ve asked for advice.  Nothing seems to be working.  I’m at a loss at what to do.  He rarely does this when he is with me.  i see glimpses of it. He every once and a while will try to hit me, but I put a stop to that quickly.  I just don’t know what to do. I’m afraid for my child. I know he’s young, but if this defiance or rage, or what ever you want to call it isn’t gotten under control now, what does it mean for his future? Someone told me it’s just a phase and that’ he’ll grown out of it, but what if he doesn’t? I’m trying to be a good mom, I am consistent, I do the same thing, I discipline the same way every time.

The worse part seems to be that my mom is kinda sorta blaming me and CDub for it.  She said we dont put enough limits on Pookah. That we let him have things and do things with our stuff, so that when he goes to daycare and can’t have something, he doenst understand the concept.  What? Just because I let him see my iphone and let him read stories on my nook, and he has a access to a few electronics that we watch him carefully when he handles them, does that mean we are too indulgent? I don’t let him have his way all the time, he doesn’t get everything he wants.  I mean really, he can’t touch my laptop, he can’t have my Canon, he can’t touch the stove, he has limits! If he didn’t , I wouldn’t have so many temper tantrums in Walmart for goodness sake.   That really hurt my heart that she would say basically that its my fault.  She tried to backtrack, but it had already been said.  I’m rambling, but this situation is bananas.  I need help, and don’t where to go.


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  • Reply
    November 6, 2011 at 10:03 am

    I’m sorry to hear you are going through this. I can’t give advice on something I’ve never been through. However since the word “rage” has been used, do you think you should get some professional counseling for him to see why he has so much rage?
    Attorney2be recently posted..When Death is UnexpectedMy Profile

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    November 6, 2011 at 10:24 am

    My daughter does this to my son a lot. I have done everything and she continues to be destructive. My son never did that but then again he was never around other kids a whole lot either. Now I am getting reports on him being bad and tackling people at school also kicking other people. I am going to his school next week to sit in because I need to know what’s going on. I hope he grows out of it soon.
    kita recently posted..Top of the worldMy Profile

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    November 6, 2011 at 10:33 am

    I have heard the same in regards to my toddler. My best piece of advice is to continue doing what you think is right. I think with toddlers the key is setting boundaries and being consistent, two things that I haven’t been very good at but am learning to get better at everyday.
    Jessica recently posted..SOC Sunday. Life with Two Under TwoMy Profile

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    Julie @Dutchbeingme
    November 6, 2011 at 10:40 am

    I wouldn’t say that’s bad parenting at all – I indulge/entertain my nephew with my phone at times as well. Wish I could give any other advice. Hope it works out for you!
    Julie @Dutchbeingme recently posted..#SOCSunday: An update to #NaNoWriMo…My Profile

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    November 6, 2011 at 12:22 pm

    Hi there.

    I’m sorry you’re going through this at the moment. I’ve never really experienced this, and I believe part of it is because I had all girls, who are really better at communication at that age in the first place and not quite as prone to violence. (Not better, just different rates of both, you know?)
    He’s at a difficult age, actually. Toddlers feel as though they can do anything (they can walk like everyone else, after all!). However, they often don’t have the communication skills to deal with what they want to express. Therefore, they lash out. I think the biting needs to be addressed ASAP, but only because it can leave really bad marks on the person who gets bitten, both physical and emotional. It’s still a symptom of the same problem: lack of control over what he wants, and lack of tools to express his frustration about it.

    In short, I think your first poster, Toni, hit the nail right on the head. And hang in there! This too shall pass… 😉
    Jaguwar recently posted..NaBloPoMo (and NaNoWriMo) Day 6My Profile

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    November 6, 2011 at 1:58 pm

    So, an only child is having trouble sharing? I have two words for his teacher: Well, duh! This is a learning time for Pookah. It’s noone’s fault. Baby steps! He’ll get there. Do you have opportunities to help him socialize and practice sharing with peers outside of school time? I have a flip-switcher also. He’s hot or cold…he’s 9 now, and we’re working through sportsmanship…losing gracefully…because he’s never been on a “losing” team in sports, so it’s a learning time for him, too. Always something 🙂 Best of luck to you all!!

  • Reply
    November 6, 2011 at 6:50 pm

    Hi! I have a four year, an only child who mostly hangs out with adults that play his way. We are also having the “he doesn’t” share talk from the teacher. I am hoping he will learn and yes, it is something we have to work on at home as well, but I think it will get better. Head up! You are doing great.
    Helena recently posted..SOC: One more hour?My Profile

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    Misty @ The Family Math
    November 6, 2011 at 8:51 pm

    I’m sorry your mom is giving you a hard time about this. That doesn’t help anything.

    Have you thought about role playing with Pookah to help him understand how it makes the other kids feel when he gets upset about sharing? My little boy is only 7 months, but role playing is one of the redirect/correct methods his day care uses with the older kids.
    Misty @ The Family Math recently posted..SOC Sunday: On the J&J debacleMy Profile

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    November 6, 2011 at 9:14 pm

    Ah mothers! They should all be getting nose bleeds from the high horses they ride on (at least mine!). You hang in there; kids act up, go through things and then they are your sweethearts again. Talk to him, hug him and take a breath. It will get better.
    Rachee recently posted..SOCS: I’m tiredMy Profile

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    Blond Duck
    November 7, 2011 at 6:46 am

    Popped in from SITS! I don’t think it’s your fault for letting him look at things. I think he’s frustrated because he can’t express himself and lashes out physically. Maybe you could try a distraction bucket for the teacher–like a bucket of favorite toys that they could hand him whenever he gets wound up.
    Blond Duck recently posted..Magical Monday 64My Profile

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      November 7, 2011 at 7:11 pm

      good idea! thanks for stopping by!

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    November 7, 2011 at 6:36 pm

    The one thing that I have learned from being a parent at 11 years old is that kids react in different situations. If he only does it at school something is going on to make him feel like he has to act like that. Maybe he sees it from another child or maybe the teacher does redirect him properly. Also I know it hurts but sometimes we do have to look at ourselves. I had to really “tighten up” on my son when he was about 3-7. He had to have consequences for what he did–sometimes very creative ones… Don’t beat yourself up. Just strategize how to handle it and just DO IT!!!
    BossyGirl recently posted..Monday Motivation.. YOU vs. Weight Loss… Holla at Me!My Profile

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      November 7, 2011 at 7:10 pm

      Thanks for the encouragement! I’m working on strategies now!

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    November 12, 2011 at 6:29 pm

    How old is Pookah? I think he’s 4 or so. Right around Evan’s age. Yes, he has split personalities and they can change on a dime. We’ve definitely gone through phases. We’re over the rage now and onto major attitude. But I do need to give him time sometimes to just calm down. And definitely talking about strategies to cope with anger is a good thing. Lots of good kid books on this. Don’t stress too much!
    Fadra recently posted..I’m Going to Wash Those Germs Right Out of My HouseMy Profile

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