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Stream of Conciousness


Wednesday morning, around 3 am, my Dad got up to go to the bathroom, had a stroke, fell and had a seizure.

It’s taken me all week to process that its happened again.  That this is our new normal, waiting for it to happen again and not being so surprised when it does.  I went to see him last weekend, and he seemed. Fine. Not great,because well barely being able to talk and being dependent on others is not great,but for him, it’s his new normal.  But still. My mother was optimistic and was saying that he was better. he was improving.  I remember thinking, if this is improvement, I would hate to see what he was like before.  But she called EMS, they took him to the local hospital, where they declared him ok, wanted to increase his meds and sent him home within 2 hours.  My mother says she got him home, saw his hand still shaking and knew she couldn’t get him out of the car, up the  stairs and  into the house because he couldn’t walk and took him to the hospital in the city.  Where they promptly admitted him and did all the tests a hospital is supposed to do.  He will leave the hospital tomorrow and go to rehab again.  There is a part of me that is happy that he is in rehab again because frankly, once he leaves, he always refuses to continue at home. And he doesn’t improve. And I don’t’t understand why? Why is he OK with not getting better? Why is he ok with not improving? Why is he ok with being dependent on my mother and others to do basic things like shower?  I don’t know. I am sad that he will be in rehab for thanksgiving( hopefully he doesn’t talk them into letting him out like last time because they feel sorry for him).  But it’s where he needs to be.  I am sorry that I will be at the in laws for thanksgiving instead of with him( which is where i would rather be). I am sorry that this is happening to him.. Again.  Sigh. I hate this parents getting older thing. It just sucks.



This was a stream of consciousness post. Set your timer for 5 minutes and just write. Then hit publish. Don’t correct it or anything. Just do it.

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  • Reply
    November 24, 2013 at 10:33 am

    They are stubborn when they get to a certain age. Wish you could be with him for the holidays. Prayers going up for him and the family.

  • Reply
    LeSha Brewer
    November 24, 2013 at 4:52 pm

    I hope your dad gets better. I always worry about our parents, especially now that we have a 2 year old. Sending well wishes your way <3

  • Reply
    Candace (NYStateofMom)
    November 24, 2013 at 7:45 pm

    I’m so sorry your parents have to go through this again…once a man twice a child. I’m still saying a prayer for him and your mom’s strength through this.

  • Reply
    November 24, 2013 at 10:59 pm

    So sad to read this. Hopefully he’ll stop being stubborn and do what he needs to do.

  • Reply
    November 25, 2013 at 12:25 am

    Sending prayers up and well wishes your way. So hard to see parents endure sickness.

  • Reply
    November 25, 2013 at 5:05 am

    I agree with Kita, with age comes a bit of stubbornness and especially with men. I’m praying for you all to still have a blessed Thanksgiving.

  • Reply
    November 25, 2013 at 9:52 am

    I will continue to keep you and your family in my prayers.

  • Reply
    November 25, 2013 at 1:00 pm

    I am sending you all the prayers that I can. It’s hard watching and seeing a loved one who is getting sick. Not only that, but someone who we saw as strong turning frail. I know that as we get older we do get stubborn, but I hope he gets the help he needs.

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