Stream of Consciousness Sunday: Decisions

I’ve been struggling  with this one question for the last week: To grad school or not to grad school?

 

This is my question.  After all the trouble I went through:filling our transcript request forms, getting transcripts, filling out paperwork for financial aid, working myself up into a tizzy about actually GOING to grad school this fall, I let the deadline pass.  Or so I thought.  The day after the July 1st deadline, I got an email from my advisor stating that I had 3 more weeks. Hmmm.  I am teetering on the edge.  Should I or shouldn’t I? I’m tired of my current state of work. I can’t do night shift or even shift work for the rest of my life.  I just can’t.  But I really don’t want to go back to school for two years either.  Just to do more nursing.  Even if it is mainly office work. Because, I took a good long look at myself and decided that even though I want to, really want to , I can’t be a midwife.  I can’t do the lifestyle.  I can’t do it.  My husband is tired of me working nights now.  He is tired of his wife being away from him 3 nights a week.  Yeah, it may be less when I’m a midwife, or it may be more?  And I do have to not just think about myself, but my baby too.  I don’t want to miss games and programs and special moments because I am working at night.  Or on call on the weekend and can’t leave the hospital.  I love delivering babies.  And maybe I will work as a L&D nurse every once and a while, but I don’t think that I could be a midwife.  For now.  So that just leaves a Women’s Health Nurse Practitioner.  Which seems…boring to me. But maybe it worn’t be? It would give me more options.  But do I want options? Why not just stick with what I know? Why not just deliver babies? Because delivering someone else’s children is really a self less job.  It’s a job for someone who has a lot to give to other people.  It is rewarding.  But I would rather give that time to my own family and my own baby.  is that wrong?  Should I follow my “dream” or should I do what’s best for my family?

 

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

• Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
• Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
• Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
• Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
• Go visit http://allthingsfadra.com/ and link up and comment on other’s posts