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stream of consciousness Sunday

Stream of Consciousness Sunday: Decisions

I’ve been struggling  with this one question for the last week: To grad school or not to grad school?


This is my question.  After all the trouble I went through:filling our transcript request forms, getting transcripts, filling out paperwork for financial aid, working myself up into a tizzy about actually GOING to grad school this fall, I let the deadline pass.  Or so I thought.  The day after the July 1st deadline, I got an email from my advisor stating that I had 3 more weeks. Hmmm.  I am teetering on the edge.  Should I or shouldn’t I? I’m tired of my current state of work. I can’t do night shift or even shift work for the rest of my life.  I just can’t.  But I really don’t want to go back to school for two years either.  Just to do more nursing.  Even if it is mainly office work. Because, I took a good long look at myself and decided that even though I want to, really want to , I can’t be a midwife.  I can’t do the lifestyle.  I can’t do it.  My husband is tired of me working nights now.  He is tired of his wife being away from him 3 nights a week.  Yeah, it may be less when I’m a midwife, or it may be more?  And I do have to not just think about myself, but my baby too.  I don’t want to miss games and programs and special moments because I am working at night.  Or on call on the weekend and can’t leave the hospital.  I love delivering babies.  And maybe I will work as a L&D nurse every once and a while, but I don’t think that I could be a midwife.  For now.  So that just leaves a Women’s Health Nurse Practitioner.  Which seems…boring to me. But maybe it worn’t be? It would give me more options.  But do I want options? Why not just stick with what I know? Why not just deliver babies? Because delivering someone else’s children is really a self less job.  It’s a job for someone who has a lot to give to other people.  It is rewarding.  But I would rather give that time to my own family and my own baby.  is that wrong?  Should I follow my “dream” or should I do what’s best for my family?


This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

  • Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
  • Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
  • Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
  • Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
  • Go visit and link up and comment on other’s posts

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  • Reply
    Stay At Home Babe
    July 10, 2011 at 5:27 am

    Is there anyway to find a compromise where you follow your dream while doing what’s best for your family? A middle ground, part-time kind of thing.

    • Reply
      July 10, 2011 at 9:15 am

      That’s what I’m trying to figure out!

  • Reply
    Good Girl Gone Green
    July 10, 2011 at 9:03 am

    I think you should do what makes you happy! I know this probably doesn’t help! It seems you would like to have a great career! In turn if you are not happy being away from your family you might need to put the school stuff on hold! But remember you don’t want any regrets in 10 years! Good luck eight everything!

    • Reply
      July 10, 2011 at 9:16 am


  • Reply
    July 10, 2011 at 9:49 am

    Great advice ! Thanks for stopping by!

  • Reply
    Julie Jordan Scott
    July 10, 2011 at 11:40 am

    I love that you are exploring this fully… and are open to continuing the discussion. Lots of great thoughts here right now… I simply wanted to congratulate you on taking the time… and making a choice that serves the greatest good.

    Grateful to have found you via SOC Sunday!

    • Reply
      July 10, 2011 at 4:35 pm

      Thank you for stopping by!

  • Reply
    July 10, 2011 at 12:17 pm

    I’m, again, right there with the rest of the ladies – finding a good middle ground!

    I did this – I had a fulltime job and needed to go back to school without losing my sanity to get my graduate degree so I could get out of a job I hated. I couldn’t afford to not work and had to find something that would work and not take ten years to finish. I enrolled at Western Michigan (where I did my undergraduate) for their “extended studies” program for working students, offering night classes. Then, a month in, I realize that missing one class = immediate fail in the class and I, a working student, had meetings once a month at work that couldn’t be missed. They weren’t flexible or understanding about this at all. I had to drop out of grad school.

    I was crushed. BUT, I explored more options and about 6 months later I enrolled at University of Pheonix online and 2 years later I graduated with my Masters. I loved their programs and the job I had allowed me to do my work-study for the degree at the job I already had. It was perfect!

    Now, I didn’t get a job in that area of study AT ALL, but it did help me land an awesome job that couldn’t be better fit for me in the end!

    Whatever you choose, you’ll pick the best one! Because even if it doesn’t work out, it’s going to lead you where you need to go in the end!!

  • Reply
    July 10, 2011 at 1:43 pm

    Oh, this is such a tough question. I think at the end of the day that you should do what makes you most happy and everything else will fall into place. And, sometimes to figure out what makes you happy, you have to be willing to give it a try and be willing to quit if it doesn’t work out. I thought it was my dream to be a college professor, but a year after grad school, I realized that really wasn’t my dream. It took, however, actually going to grad school and being that close to it, or my dream, to realize that. It’s tough. I wish you all the luck in making your decision!

  • Reply
    July 10, 2011 at 3:04 pm

    First, I think you should pray on it, sleep on it, and then pray on it again. At the end of the day, I think you have to find that happy medium between doing what’s best for your family and doing what makes you happy.

    • Reply
      July 10, 2011 at 4:27 pm

      That’s what I’m doing!

  • Reply
    July 10, 2011 at 3:50 pm

    Only you can answer this. It’s a really tough decision. It’s easy to say what I would do but I am not you!

    Good luck with your decision – your family are lucky to have you!

    • Reply
      July 10, 2011 at 4:46 pm

      Thank you!

  • Reply
    July 10, 2011 at 4:33 pm

    That’s my point, I know it isn’t just about me anymore! And as a wife and a mother, I just can’t make independent decisions anymore.

  • Reply
    July 10, 2011 at 4:34 pm

    Good luck!

  • Reply
    July 10, 2011 at 4:39 pm

    Thanks! I know you understand!

  • Reply
    July 10, 2011 at 4:45 pm

    Good advice!

  • Reply
    July 10, 2011 at 8:47 pm

    At the end of the day you have to do whats best for you. For me I gave up a lot for my family I do regret it at times but the bigger picture is I don’t have to miss anything when it comes to my kids and for me thats more important. Thats why I tell people to wait and have kids live your dreams and do you before children once they come every decision you make will revolve around them. I pray that you find the answers you need.

  • Reply
    July 10, 2011 at 9:23 pm

    Are we living the same life? Perhaps so! I am in the process of finalizing my grad school application for the fall. It seems so strange, me going back to school, but it is a dream of mine to get my master’s. Middle ground is tough to find too. I’ve done a lot of soul searching for this one.

    • Reply
      July 11, 2011 at 11:03 pm

      I’m still soul searching!!

  • Reply
    July 11, 2011 at 6:15 pm

    ProDiva said it best!

  • Reply
    Quiet Dreams
    July 12, 2011 at 11:37 am

    Sounds really tough. I guess one way to look at it is to think about what kind of life do you want for yourself…

    Another thing to do is to get by yourself and focus, really focus on each option and figure out how you feel when you imagine yourself in each situation. Your own feelings may tell you a lot. Good luck with this.

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