Deep down in my bones, physically, mentally and emotionally tired.
I thought, foolishly it seems, that once I got a REGULAR job like everyone else that my life would be easier. But the joke's on me. And the answer is noooooo.
I can't seem to find a rhythm. A routine. I feel like I'm floundering or always struggling to catch up. Things that I used to have time for( but thought I didn't) like housework, naps, ME time…don't exsist anymore. I find myself squeezing things into my Saturdays and Sundays which in turn leaves me no time to just…be.
I will say that my new job itself is not the problem. It's not even a 10th as stressful and as hard as working in Labor and Delivery for 12 hours a day, 3-4 days a week. It's getting used to( still after 4 months) working Monday through Friday. It was easy when I was single. It was easy when It was just me and CDub. But with Pookah added into the mix…I'm just not keeping up. And on top of the job changing my life around, dealing with the emotional stress of my father being sick and Pookah having multiple trips to the ER/Dr since January has just almost broken me.
It's been stressful. More stressful than I like to admit. I feel like every day, I run out of time. And that I can't keep up. Can't keep up with my house, with my husband, with my child, with the day to day operation of my life, with what new med is my father on now, with making sure my mother is taking care of herself, with photography, with my blog….you name it, it's all fallen by the side of the road while I struggle to keep my head above the water.
I know that this too shall pass, and I know that eventually, I'll look back on this time and laugh at how dramatic I was. How I thought that I would break under the pressure to get everything done and to be all of the things to everyone in my life.
But for now, while I'm in the thick of it, I can't find the energy to laugh. I can't even find the time to expand my lungs and breathe…..
This post was a bit of self indulgence for me. Because I really don't have the time to post that much anymore. But I found a sliver of time at work, and just typed this up. So if there are spelling errors or something doesn't make sense, forgive me. 🙂
Thanks for reading.