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Letters to My Son June: Mommy Guilt

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My Dearest Baby,

I’m sorry.  Mommy failed you on Saturday. It is my duty to protect you, to keep you safe.  I failed. You were having such a wonderful day!  We started of course with the strawberry patch that morning.  And you were excited that evening because we were on our way to a party that where you would see your friends, Micah and Miles.  And you were having a ball! Until I didn’t think and gave you a few party meatballs.  Forgetting, while talking and catching up with old friends, that some meatballs use wheat as a filler. And you my precious, are allergic to wheat.  It wasn’t until you started coughing and told me that you didn’t feel so well that I knew.  Luckily, we were surrounded by a house full of mothers who are also nurses who all quickly went into crisis mode to correct my mistake.  I’m sorry I had to give you the dreaded epi pen. And I’m sorry that you had to ride in the ambulance to the hospital.

When finally, the night was over and we arrived home exhausted, I held you while you went to sleep. Just that once, because you are a big boy and don’t need me to anymore.  But that night, I needed it.  As you were drifting off to sleep, I said, Mommy is so sorry I gave you the meatballs and that you got sick.  You lay your hand on my cheek and said: that’s OK Mommy, I’m alright.

And I cried. I cried because of the stress of the day, I cried because you were alright, and I cried because you still loved me the same, in spite of my wrongs.

Thank you.

Mommy.

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This post was a part of a Blog circle that I participate in from Clickin Moms. Please follow our circle and check out the next letter from Erin of  Kingsburg, CA Photographer | Erin Pasillas Photography. 

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Candace

Sunday 23rd of June 2013

Glad he's ok and that you know just what to do in crunch mode. No mother is perfect but our imperfections are just fine to our wonderful children.

Amber

Monday 10th of June 2013

Ugh, got me all choked up!!!! You're a good mommy and Little P knows that! So sweet.

marie

Friday 7th of June 2013

This is the first time I read your blog and you had me in tears. I totally relate as my daughter is allergic to milk, eggs and nuts. You are a great mother and accidents happen, please don't beat yourself up anymore. We are not perfect nor will we ever be. keep up the great work!

Nellie

Thursday 6th of June 2013

Glad he is okay. Hardest person to forgive is yourself, but you must.

Candice

Thursday 6th of June 2013

:( Try not to beat yourself up over it. Glad that he is okay!