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stream of consciousness Sunday

SOC Sunday: My Version of Motherhood

 

What is your view of motherhood?

 

When did the view of motherhood become so…skewed? When did it become that we have to be perfect? Or on the other end, when did it become the in thing for motherhood to be something that must be endured? We have to think our children are perfect or either we have to complain so much that they aren’t perfect almost making a sport out of it?  Is it because of the age of Pinterest and Facebook where we only post the happy beautiful, perfect things that go on in our lives( because you know you do)?

But when did motherhood become perfect when we are expected to enjoy every minute with our children? When we are expected to cook them perfect meals, when we are expected to make sure that they have no TV time or limited TV time or limit screen time?  When did being a mother become all-consuming?

I ask this because sometimes I admit my son watches too much television and plays on the iPad more than I would like.   Because I have to work and everyday he will get more TV time than I would like while I do so.  Yes sometimes he eats too much pizza.   Why? Because pizza is easy! I throw it in the oven and he’s got a meal that I didn’t have to slave over the stove for.  But sometimes I feel judged for my choices by some moms who have the time the energy the effort “supposedly ” to cook homemade meals every day, to have a clean house to spend all their time taking her kids to all of these activities. I don’t have time to do that . Sometimes I find myself reading about or looking at photos feeling so guilty that I can’t offer much of those same opportunities during the day because I work.  Again, when did motherhood become so perfect?

I love my child dearly truly deeply,  he is truly the best thing that is ever happened to me.

But sometimes I need me time.  I just want to curl up on the couch with a good cuppa coffee and read a book without interference, without hands all over me.  Sometimes I want to cuddle up with him and listen to his whole day and everything he thinks and everything he feels. Sometimes I want to sleep late and just enjoy wallowing around in bed all day with no responsibilities some days I want to wake up and cook his breakfast and see the joy on his face when I make his pancakes and that there’s extra sausage left over.

This is my  version of motherhood.  This is what I do this is how I feel and I don’t want to feel like my version of motherhood is not perfect because of how yours looks from the outside.  I like my version of motherhood. It’s not perfect, and I wish I could improve on some things ,do some things more ,do some things less.   But my child is happy, he loves me, he loves his daddy, he loves his life and he thinks that his mom is the greatest cook ever.  He loves me and that should be enough.

Shouldn’t it?

 

STOP.

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This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

  • Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
  • Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. This is writing in the raw.
  • Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
  • JUST DO IT
  • Reply
    Keisha | The Girl Next Door is Black
    November 15, 2015 at 1:12 pm

    You came up with this wonderful post on five minutes? Impressive! I don’t have kids, but many of my friends do and being a blogger I follow many mommy bloggers. I have wondered some of the same things about motherhood. It seems like it was less complicated when my mom and grandma were raising kids.

    You seem quite self-aware about your choices which I imagine will help keep you balanced. Enjoyed reading this!

  • Reply
    Danielle
    November 15, 2015 at 1:31 pm

    shut the hell up you didn’t write this beautiful post in no 5 minute stream of consciousness.
    you edited it.
    admit it
    WE DONT BELIEVE YOU
    I WANNA SEE THE RECEEEEIIIIPTS

    But seriously. wow.
    I feel you 100%.
    I like the idea of zero screen time and zero tv time and perfectly crafted homemade meals every day.
    But i like the idea of not going batshit crazy, and building a business as well.
    It’s all a balancing act. I’m glad you’re happy and secure in your version of motherhood.
    F the pinterest moms. (yo, them mormon mom bloggers be doin the most, have you feeling like a failure.)
    I say, F em. just F em all. What matters is My tornado and my hurricane and my crazy ass husband.
    The end. Nahmean?
    You do what you want, as for me and my house… we slightly skewed, eating semi-home made, and watching too much sprout while mommy drafts blog posts in the tub with a glass of wine.
    What?

  • Reply
    MJ
    November 15, 2015 at 3:46 pm

    Girl you already know you are speaking my language. You are doing the bomb mom job! And you know what else? Your baby boy knows it. And trust he loves those moments with mama with a little extra pizza.
    You seen me yesterday so do you and if someone doesn’t like it they can…

  • Reply
    Teems
    November 15, 2015 at 4:44 pm

    I feel guilty about the pizza and mac but he loves it! And says its the best ever. Motherhood became all-consuming when we start to compare ourselves and someone else’s version of a supermom! It has been a long road for me to just let that go. I honestly think reading blogs from other mothers gave me false pressure when my priorities and schedule were not the same.

  • Reply
    Chasing Joy
    November 15, 2015 at 5:55 pm

    I have asked my mome about this and I think this being the perfect mom thing is a result of social media. As much as I love social media and blogging this is one of the negative side effects. When I read my mom some of the mommy blogs she looks at me like I am crazy. In her day she did things the way her mom, sister’s, and peers did. She did not feel like she had to be perfect and did not spend a lot of time thinking about if she was doing good enought.

    Now we have FB updates, IG posts and blogs of these perfect families and perfect mother mom moments to compare oursleves too. I am not even a mom yet and I wonder how I will measure up. I think as a mom your job is to love your kids and teach them to be good and happy people. I know you are doing just that LaShawn. 🙂

  • Reply
    Alisha
    November 15, 2015 at 6:09 pm

    You know I feel you on this! I have to remind myself when little Ms. Perfect posts something that that’s just a glimpse and not everything. I just hope I can endure life having to have raised 2 teenagers. #truth The first go round has already proven to be taxing 😉

  • Reply
    Tronesia
    November 15, 2015 at 9:34 pm

    Yes…yes…yes to it all. Your post is right on time. After seeing so many perfect status updates, they make me feel guilty for actually wanting a break sometimes. I have to remind myself that part being a good mom is knowing when I need some downtime.

    Your voice (in your posts) is always so genuine …keep posting …keep sharing. 🙂

  • Reply
    kita
    November 15, 2015 at 9:56 pm

    At least you giving pizza these kid have frozen corn dogs and pb&j over here most weekday nights. They even get to choose. I think we do okay…I might cut out the grilled cheese over here this week

  • Reply
    Jennifer
    November 16, 2015 at 9:11 am

    Wow what a beautifully written post! I feel you completely. I love my son with all my heart, and wouldn’t trade him for the world, but like you, I would LOVE to sleep in late just ONE DAY! LOL. Thanks for sharing.

  • Reply
    Melissa
    November 16, 2015 at 9:16 am

    I love this, LaShawn! I’m with you 100% on this. Thanks for the push to write. I need to do this!

  • Reply
    Mimi Green
    November 16, 2015 at 9:29 am

    I’ve never worried about being the perfect parent. I also show images of my kids fussing and acting uncivilized. We are human, mostly happy and healthy.

    However my home is a bit of a zoo and I love it.

  • Reply
    Louida
    November 16, 2015 at 4:35 pm

    I’m not the prefect parent either and there are times when I write about my daughters fighting each other. But I don’t post pictures of it though.

    I work full time outside my home and when I get home I’m tired and there are a lot of times I don’t cook and I pick up something to eat. I have no shame and my girls are very happy with their life.

  • Reply
    LeSha Brewer
    November 16, 2015 at 5:14 pm

    This hits home oh too well! I have the same feeling of pure mental exhaustion and extreme happiness when I’m with my family. I love our chaotic mess of a family though. It brings me a lot of joy 🙂

  • Reply
    Kristina @ Appetite for Instruction
    November 16, 2015 at 9:53 pm

    I’m a new mommy and am so inspired by this post! I want this for my son: “But my child is happy, he loves me, he loves his daddy, he loves his life and he thinks that his mom is the greatest cook ever. He loves me and that should be enough.” It’s so much better than the helicopter parent / Tiger Mom / Facebook-perfect mom ethos out there.

  • Reply
    Christine @MomsNCharge
    November 17, 2015 at 1:09 am

    Yesssssssssssss! The reality is that your view of motherhood is that of the majority if I do say so myself. My kids like oatmeal even for dinner at times and I don’t feel guilty making it for them. They ask for chicken nuggets and pizza bread and, like you, the easier it is, the better for me. Motherhood is what we make it to be. As long as my children are happy, then so am I.

  • Reply
    Bernetta
    November 17, 2015 at 11:13 am

    You’re so right. I know I am not the perfect mommy. It’s not always easy but we love our babies. As I get older, I care less what other moms think as long as my children know that mommy loves them and is doing the best she can. Great post!

  • Reply
    Antoinette
    November 17, 2015 at 6:19 pm

    I love this idea. It’s a great way to vent. As for your topic-please say it again. If you believed social media, you’d think that everyone was handling business perfectly. The reality is that we all just do the best that we can. Some of us are more honest about it than others. Enjoyed your post.

  • Reply
    Nancy
    November 17, 2015 at 7:08 pm

    I love this post! Motherhood is so challenging without having to deal with everything else.

  • Reply
    FabEllis
    November 17, 2015 at 7:23 pm

    Loved this and thank you for writing it! I don’t have any children yet and to be honest, motherhood has always scared me a little bit. Some women make it seem like they lost their entire life when they had children and that’s frightening to me. It’s comforting to see that you still want your me time and I hope you do get it!

  • Reply
    Bree
    November 17, 2015 at 8:28 pm

    WOW. I was totally on the roller coaster with you. I nodded along, I reflected on how motherhood change things, and the pressures to do it all “right” whatever right is. I love this practice. I just might do this myself- seems like you can get a good release from this exercise. P.S. Just be the best mommy you can be. I’m sure in his eyes you are 🙂

  • Reply
    AC Mims
    November 17, 2015 at 10:15 pm

    I can empathize with so much here. Sometimes talking too much about parenting with other people and reading all the “shoulds” create pressure that is unrealistic!

  • Reply
    Tyra
    November 17, 2015 at 10:24 pm

    My mantra is you can only do what you can do. And yes you need me time! I am not a parent, but I have a good friend over at Bella and the Babe and she stresses mom personal time! So necessary!

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