Tales of a Labor and Delivery Nurse
A Labor and Delivery nurse thinks she is on candid camera when….
- You hear your patient coming down the hall before you see her, cussing, screaming, pushing herself in the wheelchair, talking about: “I’m in labor dammit! Put me in a room! I’m gone leave, how do I get out of here to go to another hospital ….”
- When you say OK, and attempt to push her back to the waiting room so she can catch her ride, she suddenly changes her mind….
- You attempt to admit her, but asking her questions and starting her IV have to wait until she finishes embellishing her ordeal and cussing out her baby daddy…..
- You get her admitted( finally) and you get her induction started. You feel OK. This will be over quickly….
- Her mother arrives: all you see is the pink hair with braided antenna like circles on her head, blue eye shadow and a black and gold grill……wait, is that TWO tongue rings??
- You can’t concentrate because the pink antennas are bobbing and weaving, the grill is flashing, and she is talking to you about hair dying techniques that include using red Kool Aid…..
- Your patient’s 3 year old son arrives, just as your patient is loosing her mind, screaming, out of control….
- Baby is born: Mama has stopped screaming and is back in control. Unfortunately, you now how a screaming, traumatized, out of control 3 year old who saw a baby come out of his screaming mother’s coochie live and in color.
- Juice and crackers don’t work to calm him down.
- Postpartum doesn’t have rooms. You slowly bang your head on the wall at the thought of keeping these folks until change of shift.
- Your patient and her pink haired Mama decided to take a wheelchair ride to the giftshop ( code word: we need to smoke). You don’t care at this point, take yo ass on then…..
- End of shift. You try to prepare the next nurse, but there are really no words…
- You rush home, rush your own child to sleep and curl up in fetal position rocking, with a bottle of red wine…..
Stay tuned for next time for tales from a Labor and Delivery nurse……
A 3 year old don’t need to see all that hell I don’t even wanna see all that. The hubs offered to tape me I said hell no I will just imagine it’s like the TLC’s shows a nice pretty birth.
OMG. Love that. It’s better when the husband and the baby daddy are both there, IMO. 😀
Had that last week! It was…interesting…..
OMG that poor 3 year old. traumatized for life! smhhh
I have been waiting on one of these!!! Hilarious! You make me want to change careers. 🙂
I don’t want to see that, let alone a poor child. Pink hair, huh?? Kool Aid, they did that when I was in cosmetology school years ago. What a ratchet mess…
Aww that poor baby. Your L&D is so ratchet!lol
Bwaaahahahahhah! KoolAid and the black and gold grill’d grammaaaAHAHAHAHAA!! *wipes tear – can’t stop laughing*
Ha! I love it when people write what nursing is really like.
oh dear. that poor little guy…hope you drank that whole bottle of wine.
I LOVED THIS. You said Kool Aid. I can’t. I just can’t.
Thank you for the laugh, so needed it today.
Hahaha, omg, you can’t make that stuff up at all. Only a person who lives it knows. Gurl, a 3yo does not need to see any of that. I plan on having my daughter near, but in the same room when I give birth. I can see how that can traumatize a child. But on the other hand, they won’t be having sex in their teens if they know what happens when they get knocked up…now that got me thinking…
Ugh, I meant to say that I plan on having her near, but *not* in the same room when I deliver.
I kept reading to see if you were kidding. OMW! You weren’t. Granma had a grill? And koolaid hair? Classic.
Wow this is intense! You need to write a book about all the stuff you experience.
Oh my goodness!! What a day!
lol. Oh, wow! I’m sure you could make a sitcom from all of what you’ve seen! That’s crazy!
LOL! Hysterical
When you said “take yo ass on then” I almost fell out this chair laughing. LOL
bAHAHAHAHAH…This is hilarious!!!
Good grief! I don’t know how you do it. I’ve always appreciated nurses, but when I was admitted to deliver, my love for them skyrocketed. I had great nurses, but the gal who was my nurse through most of my labor and through my delivery was beyond phenomenal. She was a coach, a cheerleader, a great help in dealing with my family, and so much more. My daughters are almost 2 1/2 and I still remember her name (Pati with 1 t, not to be confused with my second fave nurse, Patti with 2 t’s), and her face as clear as day. I could not be more grateful for the amazing women and men who work as nurses. Of course, I’d like to think I wasn’t near as obnoxious as this gem of a patient!