I Get To Rest ( Post Op Tales)

If you don’t know, I had a Laparoscopic Assisted Hysterectomy exactly two weeks ago.

And it’s been…hard. But not for the reasons you think.

Let’s go back a few days…..

On about day 5 post-surgery, I was going out of my mind. 

With boredom. 

I talk a lot about taking time for you. About how every Saturday, I try to take the day to do nothing so that I can recharge. About how I took my alone/rest/self-care weekend at the hotel. 

About how we need to put our own oxygen masks on before we help someone else.

Well, evidently, I’m a fraud friends…

After 5 days of doing NOTHING.

Of having someone fix all my meals, having someone take over my life basically while I laid in bed all day….

I was going crazy. 

The irony of getting what I want and being bored out of my mind when I got it is not lost on me. 

I was sitting there trying to figure out what was my problem??? WHY am I resisting the rest?

A part of it was that I felt minimal pain, mainly discomfort and a whole lot of gas( more on my physical recovery later).

My husband is doing a great job. Really he is. 

He is taking excellent care of me and Pookah. Stepping almost seamlessly into the role I created and do everyday.

I literally have to do nothing. 

It’s every woman’s dream, right?

So why am I sitting here every day plotting my return? 

Daydreaming about what I’m GOING to do.  WISHING I could just get up and do all the things that I complain about doing daily?

Why do I feel like some type of failure because I’m RESTING after having major surgery?

This is really some twisted shit!

 

At 3 in the morning after another restless night ( because dammit, I’m in bed all day why would I be tired?)

It came to me why I’m having so much trouble:

It’s because I have to rest instead of choosing to do so. 

My type A, control freak, enneagram 3 must be superwoman self, is being FORCED to sit her ass down and observe. 

Spoiler alert: I don’t like it. 

People are like:think of all the books you will read!

I’ve read 8 books and started 4 that are holding no interest. 

Watch all the shows you missed!

I tried to binge watch all the shows and  only got through 3 episodes of the Witcher, four of Emily in Paris, and 3 episodes of Moon Knight 

I daydreamed, sat on the back patio, and walked around the yard slowly.

I wrote some sponsored stuff and tried to write some other blog posts because I have time and frankly failed because I have brain fog and my attention span is crap.

I started plotting summer vacations because it’s something to look forward to.

I made detailed workout plans for when I came back and plotted dietary options.

Still, I was frustrated. 

Then Wednesday, after a particularly bad day for me, I was listening to something one of my friends said and it dawned on me that I will probably never have a full 6 weeks to rest again anytime soon. 

I might never get the GIFT of not having to deal with wearing all the hats. 

So I decided to try to reframe this as:

I get to rest instead of I have to rest.

Today is two weeks post surgery and my doctor told me I could drive short distances if I needed to. That I can walk up the stairs like once a day to get something. That I can scramble my own eggs and make a sandwich but nothing else. 

No exercise other than walking around my yard. 

No housework.

No cooking big meals. 

Basically, sit my ass down. And rest. 

Repeat after me LaShawn: I get to rest…..