Dear Pookah,
It’s March and time seems to be rushing forward.
I’ve watched you this month face new situations, be uncomfortable, be social in situations where I would be uncomfortable and throw a couple of tantrums.
Typical you.
I worry about you constantly. I worry if I’m doing enough to help you thrive. Do I let you watch too much tv? Do you play too many video games? Should I put you in a math camp this summer ? Can you handle a week by yourself at Grandma’s house? Am I making the right decision to take you out of your current school? Will another school be another fit? Do I let you eat too much pizza? Are you suffering because I have to work and don’t have as much time as I would like to devote to your studies?
Am I doing enough? Are you thriving?
Yes….
For the most part, you are so full of joy. So full of love and happiness and sweetness.
I read a quote yesterday that said 'Never feel guilty about finding joy instead of perfection' Unknown
I guess that’s the season I’m in right now. I can’t find perfection and do everything I need to or everything that as your mother I am supposed to. It’s just not possible to do all of the things right now.
But I look at you and feel like right now, Joy is enough.
That’s what I’m holding on to.
Love Mama.
Clarissa
Wednesday 27th of September 2017
This is beautiful! I hope he reads it someday, prints it out and holds on tightly to his mama’s sweet words and advice. Choose joy always.
Mimi
Thursday 23rd of March 2017
I stopped striving for perfection a long time ago. Joy is far more fulfilling and tangible. I'm experiencing some of the same feelings as anxiety about my son heading to middle school is at an all time high. I want him to be prepared but not to naive. We all know about the kids who were sheltered and get to middle and high and go buck wild.
I don't want to be a perfect mother or even strive to be. I just want to continue to be happy so my kids see from example that is really what matters in this life
Shakhan
Thursday 23rd of March 2017
Thank you for this. Yesterday I saw that a friend had organized a chore schedule and allowance for her three. I began to wonder if I was "doing it wrong" with allowance and chores. Too much of not enough. Then I started thinking should I have started working when we moved here in July, is pursuing my photography career showing them a good example. Your post gives me some calm reading that it's not just me, with children who are not newborn, that have those thoughts and to not stress about it. Sometimes it feels like that's something that at the ages of 10 and 7 shouldn't worry me.